Accepting Love

I am so in love.

There are days now that are so wonderful, so utterly filled with hope and beautiful things that a younger version of myself navigating unjust obstacles and experiencing constant disappointment would never believe it possible. And yet, here I am, 20 years ahead in the same life writing this, fully aware of everything it took to get here and yet still in disbelief nonetheless.

If you’re keeping score, it’s never “perfect.” We have disagreements. We struggle with certain things (like choosing what to eat for dinner). But as time goes on, I feel old insecurities slipping away, and I believe more and more that he cares for me deeply and is my greatest ally.

During the time we’ve known each other, I’ve become a better version of myself… I’m happier, more self-assured. I feel more whole — I’ve slowly reintegrated parts of myself I had hidden from others due to rejection. I forgive myself more easily when I mess up, focus on what to do next, where to move from the mistake.

I am so in love. I’m in love with him. I’m in love with us. And he’s made me fall in love with… me.

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Unfortunately, it seems like this sort of connection is relatively rare. It has been in my own life, and what friends, co-workers, and clients say only confirms that belief.

I’ve observed, however, that even though they’re rare, there are others with deeply connected romantic relationships. And they invariably have their detractors. People who will say it’s “creepy” or “fake” or criticize some aspect or aspects of the relationship as “unhealthy” or “weird.”

I find myself quickly losing patience with those kinds of comments, even when not directed at me or my relationship. Often I suspect that the detractors are at least clueless — they might even be threatened or jealous or have a hidden agenda.

I’m now on the side of love.

I recognize that this is probably irrational… but I want for love to thrive as much as it can in this world.

And that starts with accepting it within myself.

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