I Don’t Hate Myself Anymore

Recently I started talking to a therapist to deal with some of the stress and remaining baggage that working with clients has stirred up, and I have to say that once you have psychological training yourself, going to therapy is a truly weird experience. Even though you know nearly all the tricks they’re using and can see them in practice, they usually still work on you, kind of like joint locks in martial arts but for your mind. However, one time the therapist actually had to use an “F” bomb on me because she needed to produce a cognitive interrupt in session since my negative self-talk was sufficiently complex to warrant her turning up the volume. She describes me as “sweet” and “brilliant” but “relentlessly cruel” to myself. I’m getting better at lightning speed though since I don’t mess around (she says she talks a great deal more in our sessions since I’m very self-aware and bring up a lot and very quickly).

It’s been good though. It might be difficult to understand for people who haven’t been inside my head or to a similar place inside their own, but I am finally to the point where I don’t feel like there’s anything terribly wrong with me. Personally momentous beyond description.

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