Doing My Best?

Soon, I’m going back to school. Skyspook’s work life and career are absolutely crazy these days. I’m going to have new responsibilities as a full-time student, and with Skyspook so busy, my domestic duties will be even more crucial. As we’re shifting into a new phase as a couple, it’s tough to know precisely what is expected of me. I feel like I only got used to the rhythm that Skyspook and I had established, and now things are changing up.

“Do your best.” That’s the advice that’s always given in situations like this.

But, for me, it’s terrible advice.

The last time I went back to school, when I got my associates degree and trained for my trade, the career I’m now leaving as the industry has changed radically (for the negative) in the 5 years I’ve worked in it, I pushed myself. Extremely hard. I’d study so hard that my body was coursing with adrenaline night and day, so much so that I hardly slept. I’d chant information I’d memorized to myself when I was alone, driving in the car, in the shower. I pushed myself so hard during my internship that I became vertiginous and threw up on waking up on more than one morning before heading to the office from lack of sleep.

I met with amazing success, got perfect grades, a great job right out of college, everything I wanted. But at the cost of my short-term happiness.

I was “doing my best.”

And part of me wonders if I would have done just as well without the amount of stress I put myself through.

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