I am secretly fat.
Going by scale weights, the BMI, etc, I am still 30 pounds overweight, but I am in fantastic shape and physically the size I was as a junior in high school. I work out regularly, enjoy being active, eat healthy food. I ran a mile the other morning.
However, this is not what I’m talking about.
I have body dysmorphia. I easily lose touch with how big my body is. I can do this in either direction, underestimating or overestimating my weight. It’s a big factor in how I ended up 340 pounds in the first place, over 150 pounds heavier than I am now. And it’s why I still feel like I am super obese (the category heavier than morbidly obese), why I’m stunned when people act like I’m one of those skinny people. It’s been 2 years, but it doesn’t go away – like a phantom limb that aches long after the amputation, I feel my fat float around me in a cloud.
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I have no tolerance for fat shaming. I’ve noticed that as I’ve lost weight, people have felt more comfortable saying rude things about other people’s weight in my presence. One ex actually had the gall to judge a larger woman in a dungeon scene, her ill-fitting underwear, wondering aloud why anyone that large would wear panties like that in the presence of other people. Joked that I was “husky” when I sat on his lap, pointed out my “saggy tits” when we showered together (as they were a bit awkward skin-wise at that point from the rapid weight loss), all in the name of being playful, knowing full well that I had lost over 100 pounds in the recent past.
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I don’t want to ever be one of those holier than thou people when it comes to weight loss – skinnier than thou? Someone who preaches what others should do, judges people on their spatial volume, their physical shape, how they fuel themselves.
So please, if you want to hate on overweight people and think I’ll get it because I’m relatively normal sized, think again. Don’t do it in front of me. Ever. It’ll go a long way towards me disliking you instantly.