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Fixers Don’t Realize It’s a Huge Deal to Simply Hang Out With Someone Who Is Suffering

·311 words·2 mins

You sat with me while I cried in frustration. And I could tell it bothered you. That I was having a problem that neither of us can fix. It just has to happen.

There are things like that in life. As much as the fixer in you doesn’t want that to be the case. There are situations that can’t be fixed. That must only be managed. At least for the time being.

But you sat with me as I cried. You told me everything was going to be okay. Which I appreciated. And it’s likely true — things have a way of working out, it’s more of a question of how much bullshit is going to be between me and whatever “things working out” look like in this one instance.

It’s at least a little bullshit. Could be a lot. We never know going into something like this. It’s impossible to tell beforehand, because it depends on too much. And almost none of it are things we control.

Which bothers you. Your anxiety makes you have control issues.

But you sat with me while I cried. You hung out with me while I was angry and miserable and tired.

You were soft and patient.

I could tell it bothered you — sometimes it’s hard for me to read your emotions (where mine are plain to read on my face), but this time it was very clear to me. It bothered you, what I was going through. And how little you could do.

But you didn’t lash out. You didn’t splain. You didn’t give advice that wouldn’t work so you could feel like you were doing something.

All you did was say a few kind words and hang out with me while I suffered.

And I know it didn’t feel like enough to you. But it was everything to me. Thank you.


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