I can remember a time in my dating life that was fun but messy. Fun because the people I was dating were clever and charming. But they were also very, very unpredictable. Which is why that time was so messy.
And something that happened a lot with these unpredictable, inconsistent, fun but messy dating adventures was I would say something… and then they would summarize what they thought I said but get it wrong.
They’d either misunderstand what I said completely. Or tack on something I’d never say.
And it was this constant choice of what to take the time to correct, what wasn’t important enough to waste the energy. What was “close enough.”
It was never dead on though. Never dead on.
And even in the circumstances where I opted to constantly correct (an exhausting endeavor if you’ve ever done it), it was to no avail. They never really did get the hang of it. Of who I was.
And instead, it sometimes felt like they had this image of me in their head that was more important and real to them than who I actually was.
It was frustrating, but I worked around it. Because it was all I’d ever known.
Dating Someone Who Understood Me Changed Everything
And then mysteriously, I did finally date someone where that didn’t happen. I was a little shaken up by it at first. How I’d just say things and they’d understand me easily. And not only indicate they did but also summarize what they’d said in their own words… and it was bang on.
Even better still, sometimes I’d hear them explaining to someone else how I viewed something — and their explanation would again be 100% correct, just rephrased into how they talked.
And it was at that moment that I felt so understood and so loved on a deep level that I really do have trouble doing it justice in words. I realized then that a huge part of feeling loved for me is being understood. And that it can work in the opposite direction — when someone really just doesn’t get me (especially after a lot of time and effort trying to get to know one another), it really does erode intimacy for me.
It’s wild. But since that time I’ve only dated people who really understand me. Now that I know it’s possible, there’s no unknowing it. There’s no going back.