I don’t know how to explain how it happened, only tell you that it did. I was never looking for more, you see. In fact, I had convinced myself a long time ago that I had gotten too much. That life wasn’t going to give me anymore. That I was lucky to be alive after everything I’d been through. (I still believe that.)
I thought I’d settle down young. Stick to my little country life. My boring job. Grow old in one place. I was happy to settle down after a rough adolescence. I was looking forward to nothing happening for a while. Because I’m easily amused. I can make my own fun.
And frankly, even boredom sounded preferable to feeling scared all the time. Unstable.
But everyone around me’d had more sheltered upbringings. And they’d never experienced adventure. Including the person I was married to.
Everyone wanted to experiment. To stretch their wings and fly. To have some experiences. They thought it sounded fun, so fun.
I did my best to be supportive. I encouraged their efforts, despite knowing the hidden cost of them, a cost they weren’t interested in hearing about because it harshed their mellow.
Later, when they all had hardships and problems and paid steep prices for their adventures, I’d think back on their optimism and fight guilt. Had I warned them enough? Yes, I thought so. What little I did was vastly unpopular. But maybe… just maybe… I could have gotten them to listen?
No, they had to go through it themselves. And none of them blamed me later.
The force of these changes was so profound that I felt myself coming along with them, on new adventures.
And as I sit writing this essay now, I’m thousands of miles from home. Surrounded by entirely new people. Living a better life than I could have dreamed.
And I’m so satisfied. So happy.
But I can hear the people around me getting restless again. And I know what that means. It means that other adventures are beginning. Will I go on these too? Only time will tell.
At this point, I’m just amazed at my uncanny ability to accidentally have adventures when what I really crave is stability. Anyway, sometimes going on the adventure is how you maintain or create stability.