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You Gotta Love Pre-Dating

·305 words·2 mins

There’s something about that time when you’re not really dating, but you’ve identified compatibility. And you’re still sorting out the particulars, figuring it all out. Getting to know each other. Enjoying that process.

Hanging out. Feeling good about where you are. Open to more but not an in awful hurry about it.

Where you’re not dating… but where dating is probably on the way sometime. When schedules, energy levels, and just plain life lines up. And you’re kinda, sorta, maybe… pre-dating?

I know folks who need everything to be black and white — and for whom ambiguity causes real anxiety — typically despise this state of affairs and want it to end as soon as possible. But not me. In some ways, it’s my favorite time — the stage where everything’s a possibility, nothing is fixed quite yet. And you have something to look forward to.

Before the madness of New Relationship Energy/limerence sets in, and things go wibbly-wobbly. That time when you can look at a potential match with a clear head and go “yes, that person looks promising” without losing your head.

Sometimes people will tell me that if you can enjoy pre-dating that you don’t really like that person. That it isn’t true chemistry if it isn’t agony waiting to date. And I can see where that viewpoint is coming from… but I think on the other hand, it lacks imagination. It doesn’t consider the possibility of savoring delayed gratification, of the thrill of anticipation (I’m sure some of you said it with Frank N. Furter’s cadence). And it surely doesn’t account for the possibility that for some people, delaying gratification isn’t unwanted pain but instead makes the experience far sweeter.

So bring on the awkward hangouts. The strange flirting back and worth. The will-we, won’t-we?

I am so here for pre-dating.


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