I Can’t Be Brave Enough for Both of Us

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I can be brave for me, and I can help you be brave for you. But I can’t be brave enough for both of us.

I know. I wish I could. That I could feel things for you that you’re not ready, willing, or able to feel. And vice versa, really, if I’m being honest. I wish we could each take turns facing the world for the other, so we could have some kind of break from the way it tends to grind people down. Everyone, really. But especially us.

I know it’s not my fault, but I’m still sorry about it. And thank you for not telling me to stop apologizing by the way. I know I used to apologize too much — a verbal tic born out of trauma, when I was conditioned by early others to feel like my existence was a burden upon the world. That I needed to apologize for existing.

And you were there — as I worked through stopping that habit. As I did that trick where you start thanking people instead of saying “sorry.” Where you turn “sorry I was late” into “thank you for waiting me.” Or “sorry for talking to you so long” to “thank you for listening to me.” Little by little, it worked.

But the truth is that there are still times that I’m sorry. And this is one of them. Thank for you understanding that.

Okay, brave face now. Put on your armor and to battle with you. I know it feels weird and like it doesn’t fit today. I know you’d much rather hide today from the world — and tomorrow you can.

But today the world is out there waiting. There are important appointments that can’t be canceled or rescheduled. It’s time to be brave again.

You got this! I believe in you.

And I will be here waiting for afterwards, when we can hide from the world and recharge from being so brave.

And I know, wholeheartedly, that you’ll do the same for me the next time I need it.

Featured Image: CC 0 – Pexels