I Did Everything Wrong Dating You… and It Turned Out Okay

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Look, I moved in with you way too soon. Yes, we’d been friends for over a year, but how long had we been dating?

A month. We’d been dating a month.

But here’s the thing: I had to go back and look at a calendar to figure that out. And there’s a simple reason for that. It’s because it doesn’t matter.

That was a decade ago, and we’re still together. In fact, I’d say we’re better than ever. That once-deep friendship has gone even deeper. And a wonderful romance built itself unexpectedly atop that existing friendship infrastructure (shocking us both).

I laugh sometimes thinking back. Because you were also a “rebound.” I started dating you pretty soon after not 1, not 2, but 3 breakups (we were both polyamorous).

(It’s worth noting here that research doesn’t find any support for the idea that rebound relationships are doomed — please see this end of this post for links to the studies.)

An awful lot of people were very freaked out by my moving in with you so soon. I got warned a lot that it was just New Relationship Energy (NFRE) glossing over things — and we probably weren’t as compatible as we both thought we were.

The funny thing was that I’ve had plenty of NRE in my life — and this felt SO different. Like another level entirely. Yes, that new relationship bliss was there. But there was also a deep understanding and a logistical compatibility (lifestyle, financial, chores, etc.) that I found astounding.

We were not only great friends and passionate lovers — we were amazing roommates.

I never played any games with you — you never played any games with me. We didn’t worry about texting too soon or appearing too eager or any of that.

No, I knew it was right. You knew it was right. And we just went for it.  Horrifying everyone.

Look, when it came to our relationship, I did everything “wrong” — and it turned out okay.

No, scratch that. It didn’t turn out okay. It turned out wonderful.

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