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Catsuits Are Clingy, So Why Not Me?

·396 words·2 mins

“I’m not gonna text them,” I say, clutching my phone.

My phone says nothing back, but I persist in talking to it.

“It’s too soon. I just texted an hour ago,” I continue.

But I’m staring at something funny online, something they’ll love.  Tied into a thousand private jokes.

“I’ll just send this later. Once they’ve texted back. That way I’ll know I’m not spamming them. Bothering them,” I say to my cat, who has decided I’m talking to him. And is snaking between my ankles.

My cat looks up at me. His face looks incredulous. As though even _he _knows I’m full of shit.

I breathe out slowly. “Well, what could it hurt?” I say, finally. And in two smooth motions, I’ve clicked “share” and “send.”

I feel an immediate wave of regret. Set down my phone and slide it away like it’s done something to me.

Not Relying on Their “Down, Boy!”

I spend an embarrassing amount of time running social interactions through that filter: Am I being too clingy? Am I smothering them? With friends. And especially when it comes to love.

I don’t want to be _that _person. You know the person I’m talking about. The one who jumps all over you like a dog whose owner has just gotten home from work. And is oblivious to all the subtle cues that maybe they should take a step back and chill.

And it’s easy to say, “Well, if that’s the case, the other person should just set a boundary. Let them know that what they’re doing is too much.”

I mean, sure, that’s right. But people don’t always do this. It can be _hard _to set boundaries. And if I rely on other people to call me out directly, I run the risk of steamrolling them for quite some time.

Catsuits Are Clingy, So Why Not Me?

What has worked: Giving people an out. When I start dating people, I actually warn them that I can be a little clingy, and that I want to know if they feel overwhelmed. In the kindest, gentlest terms possible. But definitely not to suffer in silence until they explode.

After all, clingy isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Look at catsuits. Everyone loves those. Catsuits are clingy, so why not me?


My book is out!

Poly Land: My Brutally Honest Adventures in Polyamory


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