“I’m not gonna text them,” I say, clutching my phone.
My phone says nothing back, but I persist in talking to it.
“It’s too soon. I just texted an hour ago,” I continue.
But I’m staring at something funny online, something they’ll love. Tied into a thousand private jokes.
“I’ll just send this later. Once they’ve texted back. That way I’ll know I’m not spamming them. Bothering them,” I say to my cat, who has decided I’m talking to him. And is snaking between my ankles.
My cat looks up at me. His face looks incredulous. As though even _he _knows I’m full of shit.
I breathe out slowly. “Well, what could it hurt?” I say, finally. And in two smooth motions, I’ve clicked “share” and “send.”
I feel an immediate wave of regret. Set down my phone and slide it away like it’s done something to me.
Not Relying on Their “Down, Boy!” #
I spend an embarrassing amount of time running social interactions through that filter: Am I being too clingy? Am I smothering them? With friends. And especially when it comes to love.
I don’t want to be _that _person. You know the person I’m talking about. The one who jumps all over you like a dog whose owner has just gotten home from work. And is oblivious to all the subtle cues that maybe they should take a step back and chill.
And it’s easy to say, “Well, if that’s the case, the other person should just set a boundary. Let them know that what they’re doing is too much.”
I mean, sure, that’s right. But people don’t always do this. It can be _hard _to set boundaries. And if I rely on other people to call me out directly, I run the risk of steamrolling them for quite some time.
Catsuits Are Clingy, So Why Not Me? #
What has worked: Giving people an out. When I start dating people, I actually warn them that I can be a little clingy, and that I want to know if they feel overwhelmed. In the kindest, gentlest terms possible. But definitely not to suffer in silence until they explode.
After all, clingy isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Look at catsuits. Everyone loves those. Catsuits are clingy, so why not me?
*
My book is out!