Today I finish week 2 of Awesome Job, and as far as all that goes, I really couldn’t ask for things to go any better. I’m learning quickly, already kicking butt, and my personality is perfect for this particular office.
I am, however, struggling to stay in the present moment. I have a bit of a commute. It takes about 30 minutes with no traffic but 45 to an hour plus (if there’s an accident) in typical commuter hours. I’ve also not driven much at all since moving to Cleveland 3 years ago, and even before that, I was a transcriptionist and worked at home for 4 of those years, so drove a few days a month typically and never during commuter hours. Throw into the mix that I’m originally from Central Maine where there aren’t multiple highways or ones with more than 2 lanes — let alone an instance where 3 highways merge together at once (yes, this does happen in the Cleveland area in a few different spots), it’s been a heck of a learning curve.
That said, I grit my teeth and venture out, and despite my lack of experience, my instincts are pretty good and I’m doing the best I can with reacting to hairy situations (for example, when I pulled to the shoulder for an ambulance on the drive home one night, and a whole bunch of people behind me started passing me before I had a chance to get out – thankfully, someone nice waved me back).
The trouble is that I spend nearly all my free time replaying what happened on the drive, analyzing it, attempting to prepare for the next day… and it’s crazy and stressful and not helpful at all. Spook says I’m worrying far too much (I agree)and that he has no doubt I’ll be able to manage any situation that comes up. As much as I agree, I’m really struggling to stop perseverating and obsessing about it.
I remember reading a while back in a book (it may have been Time-Shifting, but I can’t be sure) that “there is no stress in the present moment.” And I can’t agree more. The dread and the rehashing are where stress really live.
I need to be in the moment. Whatever that is. I can’t let 30 seconds of hairiness (y’know, your typical daily sums of difficult merges, etc)dominate the rest of my day.
Luckily, there’s a long holiday weekend coming up, and I’ll have the opportunity to spend time with Spook’s family (always wonderful).
And hopefully, this, too, will pass.