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Label-maker OR “Paint My Butt Red and Call Me Curly Bill!”

·183 words·1 min

I love to title things. It’s a sickness. I think that’s half the reason I first got into poetry. The works are typically so short that you’re titling things all the damn time.

And it’s not just titles. I love making up extra nicknames for people, inventing words. And if you want to have a relationship with me without my calling it something, you better forget it. I have to label our relationship SOMETHING even if it’s a bit unconventional (friend plus, romantic friendship, co-slut monkeyship, etc).

One thing I’ve discovered about myself as I’ve studied psychology and been exposed to various research findings is that I’m a person with conservative thought processes but liberal values. Basically, this means that I have a high need for cognitive closure and an extreme aversion to uncertainty (emotionally, I want something to hang my hat on, DAMNIT, even if I’m consciously aware how illusory any conclusion and temporary is, ultimately).

In many ways, I’m quite close-minded while praising open-mindedness. I’m a hypocrite.

Label accepted. It’s working right now, and right now I need something that works.


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