This will probably not read like a normal one of my writings because I am too excited to take the time to actually sort through and collect my thoughts and make sure they sound how I like them to, as I’m wont to. I’m a stickler for a style of prosody that I’ve grown to employ, and while I don’t contend that it’s any better or worse that any other (well, okay, I struggle with the fear that it’s worse in darker times), it’s familiar to me. Comfortable. Like an old friend. Or I guess, even more fittingly, an old album I’m used to playing over and over.
Getting to my actual point!
At the moment, I’m returning to school to finish up my Bachelor’s in English. I had a concentration in Creative Writing. I’d finally left the program at 22, after farting around for a few years on a very part-time status, because I came to the point that I could consciously acknowledge that I was kidding myself that the degree I was trying to earn in and of itself would make me the money I needed to survive, especially in Central Maine (where the job situation is pretty dire) and having at that point in the scheme of things critically low self-esteem, and even more irksome, critically low self-compassion and self-confidence. I took a break from school, got a full-time job at a bookstore for a few years (during which time I got married to my first husband) before returning to school – but this time at a community college, studying medical transcription and earning a business management associate’s degree. The degree served me well and was lucrative for quite some time.
Now, 6 years later, the transcription industry, which was in trouble to begin with, has been declining precipitously due to the synergistic effect of offshore outsourcing combined with improving speech recognition technology. Returning to school is the best option for me. I need a career change.
I’m reading psychology textbooks and cramming for the GRE in Psychology to try to be a good Ph.D. candidate by the time I finish up my Bachelor’s in English (about 2 semesters and probably a small remainder). It has become a huge part of my life, and I’m well aware that as I learn to speak the language of my future field that I might come off as markedly more insufferable and sound more arrogant, pedantic, and pretentious than I ever have before. I’m told by friends that I do not give that impression at all, but there is an internal inner voice that worries about such things. It’s like when a person learns a foreign language and insists on speaking in it at every opportunity to build up their skill. I’ve experienced this in the past. As they stumble enthusiastically through new vocabulary and grammar and develop their accent, they can sound charming to a native speaker who is fond of them, frustrating to a native speaker that does not know them and needs to conduct actual business with them, and grating to a person who doesn’t speak the language and doesn’t care to.
That said, OH MY WORD IS THIS EVER ILLUMINATING AND FUN!!
And I want to put down some of observations here, so if nothing else, one day I can look back and recall the process I took to learn about the beautiful science of behavior and mental processes.
Oh, Psychology! I just want to kiss you all over.