It Was Terrifying the First Time I Dated Someone Who Was Really Good to Me

an abstract 3D rendition of a white tower on a blue background. The white tower has a bunch of holes arbitrarily punched into it, as though it had been attacked by a hole puncher
Image by Pixabay / CC 0

I remember being scared a lot when we first started dating. Suspicious. Worried.

Not about you. Not about us. Or our fit. No, we always made sense to me.

I was worried because you kept doing nice things for me. Completely unprompted. You paid close attention to me, and you saw the areas of my life that were unwieldy and offered to help.  » Read more

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Sometimes It’s Easier to Recover Out of Spite Than Out of Self-Love

it's a black T-shirt with white letters that say "this is what recovery looks like"
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2003

“I can’t go without shaving down there anymore,” she says. “And it has nothing to do with feminism. Or being anti-feminism. ”

“Oh yeah?” I say. Because I don’t know what else to say. Over the months we’ve worked together, she’s become progressively more comfortable around me. Probably because I never freak out about what she says,  » Read more

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Is It Really Impossible… Or Is It Learned Helplessness?

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Image by Rob Oo / CC BY

These days, Martin Seligman is doing pretty uplifting work. A past president of the American Psychological Association, Seligman is often known as the father of positive psychology, a newer subspecialty that focuses on the positive aspects of human behavior: Striving, thriving, flourishing.

But his big break into psychological research wasn’t so rosy.

In his earliest days as a researcher,  » Read more

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Polymathy Confuses People Just As Much As, If Not More Than, Polyamory

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Image by MAMJODH / CC BY

I’ve Been Poly My Whole Life — Polymathic

I’m different than a lot of other polyamorous educators because I haven’t been polyamorous my whole life. In fact, polyamory wasn’t even something I seriously considered until I was in my late 20s. Before then, I hadn’t even heard of the word. And I couldn’t fathom how non-monogamous relationships could be conducted in a way that was respectful and mutually beneficial for everyone involved.  » Read more

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I Learned in Elementary School that People Will Touch Your Body Without Permission

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Image by ajari / CC BY

I learned something in the coat room in elementary school.

If they can, people will touch your body without permission.

Especially if it’s dark. And quick. And there are enough people around that you can’t be sure who exactly touched you. Let alone call them out on it.

Sometimes more than one kid would cop a feel as we shuffled out to meet our teacher,  » Read more

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Ghost of a Chance

In the past, I’ve joked that my sexual orientation is “brilliant and haunted.”

All joking aside, there’s a lot of truth there. Granted, my body has to be attracted to their body. I have zero control over who I am and am not physically attracted to, and the best I’ve been able to manage on that front is to notice patterns.  » Read more

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