Is It More Ethical to Hide a Metamour’s Insecurity From Your Partner? Or More Ethical to Tell Them?

a statue of Janus, a bearded man with two faces, one facing forward and one looking back
Image by DaveBleasdale / CC BY

Fall 2010

One night, my boyfriend Rob called me on the phone after his wife Michelle left for the library. It was a low-key conversation. Just chitchat, really. We weren’t even having phone sex or anything. At least not yet, although in recent weeks, we’d fallen into a habit of sliding into phone sex after initial introductions.  » Read more

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PQ 9.10 — Do I feel I have no expectation of privacy in my other relationships?

A chart labeled "A helpful Venn diagram." There is an orange circle on the left labeled "The Internet" and a green circle on the right labeled "privacy." They do not overlap whatsoever.
Image by Bernard Goldbach / CC BY

PQ 9.10 — Do I feel I have no expectation of privacy in my other relationships?

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I’ve written a bit about the importance of letting others have privacy in an earlier piece: Buttinski, #1 Metamour, or Compervert: Walking that Fine Line. As I wrote then:

While an overall atmosphere of transparency is a wonderful thing in polyamory (as it can promote understanding and build trust),  » Read more

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PQ 5.5 — How much do I value personal autonomy, transparency, cohabitation, having and raising children, shared finances, community, tradition, the opinions of my friends and family, adhering to social norms?

the number 9 in the style of an old-time movie reel countdown to a motion picure
Image by Jason Cartwright / CC BY

PQ 5.5 — How much do I value personal autonomy, transparency, cohabitation, having and raising children, shared finances, community, tradition, the opinions of my friends and family, adhering to social norms?

*

Wow. Okay. This is roughly 9 questions. I have a lot of answering to do. No time to waste. Here we go!  » Read more

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Truth Drip: Titrating How Much We Share and When

an iv in the hospital
Image by marissa anderson / CC BY

It’s difficult to know how much to share about what goes on (sexually and otherwise) with one of your partners with another. It’s like titrating the truth, just like you would medicine in a hospital — a truth drip.

On the surface, it seems so easy. But you gotta be careful! You can overdose by saying too much or by saying too little.  » Read more

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PQ 1.5 – How important is transparency to me? If I have more than one lover, am I happy with them knowing about each other? If they have other lovers, am I happy knowing them?

a transparent organism where you can see its spine

Poly Question 1.5

How important is transparency to me? If I have more than one lover, am I happy with them knowing about each other? If they have other lovers, am I happy knowing them?

The importance of transparency for me is very context dependent.

Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell Sucks  

I could never have an ongoing romantic relationship with someone who would not meet Skyspook.  » Read more

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