From 2011 to 2012, I underwent the most intensive course of therapy I have ever gone through in my life. What’s interesting is that I didn’t go all that often. Every other week most of the time — as that was what I could afford at the time, and even then I barely afforded it, » Read more
I was a really happy-go-lucky kid. Naturally. But as I grew older, I learned to lean more into this feeling. I took on a willingness to compromise. Didn’t need to get much of what I wanted.
This was because I had a few very particular people who also lived in my household. And they were always holding everything up. » Read more
“You have to be careful about what you fix….If you irrigate a desert, you might empty a sea. It’s a complicated business, fixing things.”
-Percival Everett, “The Fix”
I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching lately. It’s easy to get comfortable when nothing changes for a while. » Read more
“I think you’re much too hard on yourself,” he says. “You have a strong negative self-bias.”
“One of the strongest of anyone you’ve ever met?” I ask.
He nods. “You think everything’s your fault, whenever anything goes wrong. And it’s not.”
I know what he means. In a perverse confirmation of what he’s saying, » Read more
I write quite frequently about being a recovering people pleaser, including one piece I wrote for a client about the 10 biggest lessons I learned while recovering from people pleasing.
And yet… sometimes I feel like I’ve only scratched the surface in addressing how profoundly different my thinking was before I began to critically examine it. » Read more
When it comes to conflict in relationships, it isn’t a matter of if, it’s a matter of when. What. How. Why.
Because there isn’t a relationship that doesn’t eventually have a conflict.
In spite of the fact that we haven’t seen each other in years, I still think about my therapist Sue every now and then.
On the surface, we shouldn’t have worked well together therapeutically. Because we didn’t have much in common. She was a mild-mannered person with Biblical verse plaques sprinkled on the walls of her office. » Read more
Hi Page! Your writing has been such a source of community and inspiration for me, especially as someone fairly new to polyamory. I’m wondering: what is your experience with healing from a breakup while still in other romantic relationships? My long-term partner and I recently broke up. I started seeing someone else pretty shortly afterwards. » Read more
I’d been sitting in counseling for the better part of a 50-minute hour, talking about my soon-to-be ex-husband.
“What you’re realizing,” my therapist said, “is that he didn’t really love you.”
I protested, told her that he said it plenty.
“While he may have said he loved you, » Read more
It had been a long emotional night. Yet another fight with Seth.
It wasn’t just that we were arguing again. No, it was worse than a repeat. The negativity had gone to a whole new level.
“I used to love you before you became such a bitch,” he said.
I’ve Learned You Don’t Argue with Someone Who Is Insulting You
I learned a long time ago that you don’t argue with someone who is insulting you. » Read more