Don’t Reward Behavior You Don’t Want to See Again

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Image by Adria Richards / CC BY

Joke: “How do you punish a masochist?”

My answer: “Ignore them.”

Attention Is a Powerful Motivator

It’s something that experts advise new parents: Punishment can backfire if done too much or done the wrong way. Scolding or hitting tends to be particularly ineffective. Even if addressing a child’s behavior directly these ways is intended as punishment,  » Read more

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PQ 22.1 — How do I approach the end of my relationships? What do I want from my former partners?

fireworks
Image by Epic Fireworks / CC BY

PQ 22.1 — How do I approach the end of my relationships? What do I want from my former partners?

When Being Dumped, I Like Clear-cut Notification I Can Receive in Private that Doesn’t Require a Response

I’m starting to think I’m unusual in this regard. Since I really want only one thing when someone is breaking up with me: I want to know it’s over.¬†  » Read more

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Poly Pitfalls: The Mass Mailing Issue

a wooden door with a mail slot that has a sign underneath that reads "no junk mail." under the sign there is a house number 8.
Image by andreas_fischler / CC BY

Often when people talk about polyamory, they focus on a few, very specific problems. In particular, “How do you deal with the jealousy?” gets a lot of attention (please see this post for that answer). And it’s true that for many people, the hardest task of the first year or two of polyamory is learning how to become more emotionally secure and essentially becoming a better emotional parent to yourself (work which happily can translate to all negative emotions and not simply jealousy).  » Read more

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PQ 9.5 — Is someone threatening my well-being, safety or livelihood?

screenshot of 2 people texting. 1: Morning sunshine 2: Good morning baby. I love you. 1: Love you too! 2: Have a good day 1: I hope you do too. 2: Thanks! You are the best boyfriend ever 1: Naw, I'm just in love.
Image by Elizabeth K / CC BY

PQ 9.5 — Is someone threatening my well-being, safety or livelihood?

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Threatening well-being, safety or livelihood? That sounds fairly extreme now, doesn’t it?

And yet — as in PQ 9.1, it’s important to note that sometimes these threats onset in rather insidious ways. That’s the tricky thing about abusive relationships.  » Read more

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Icing, Simmering, or Balancing Multiple Priorities? Another Way Polyamory Requires Trust

4 stones of different sizes, delicately balanced, on a beach
Image by orinoko42 / CC BY

I recently stumbled across a post over at Esther Perel’s blog called “Relationship accountability and the rise of ghosting.” Post author Lindsay addresses consequences of the trend towards ambiguous entanglement and indirect and prolonged breakups and argues for more direct breakups, which they dub “power parting.”

It’s a good article with valid points and includes this chart that helpfully organizes the concepts.  » Read more

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