I Wish I Didn’t Feel Like Having Deep Conversations Right Before Bed

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I’ve been thinking about it for a couple of days. When I first started to worry, I thought maybe it would be a passing thought. A lot of things are. Most things are no big deal, and with time a concern seems silly.

But this one worry has persisted. And I’ve spent most of the day preceding thinking about it.  » Read more

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Don’t Reward Behavior You Don’t Want to See Again

it's a watercolor painting of a rat solving a maze on a laptop computer while scientists in the background note the results on a clipboard
Image by Adria Richards / CC BY

Joke: “How do you punish a masochist?”

My answer: “Ignore them.”

Attention Is a Powerful Motivator

It’s something that experts advise new parents: Punishment can backfire if done too much or done the wrong way. Scolding or hitting tends to be particularly ineffective. Even if addressing a child’s behavior directly these ways is intended as punishment,  » Read more

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PQ 22.1 — How do I approach the end of my relationships? What do I want from my former partners?

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PQ 22.1 — How do I approach the end of my relationships? What do I want from my former partners?

When Being Dumped, I Like Clear-cut Notification I Can Receive in Private that Doesn’t Require a Response

I’m starting to think I’m unusual in this regard. Since I really want only one thing when someone is breaking up with me: I want to know it’s over.   » Read more

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Poly Pitfalls: The Mass Mailing Issue

a wooden door with a mail slot that has a sign underneath that reads "no junk mail." under the sign there is a house number 8.
Image by andreas_fischler / CC BY

Often when people talk about polyamory, they focus on a few, very specific problems. In particular, “How do you deal with the jealousy?” gets a lot of attention (please see this post for that answer). And it’s true that for many people, the hardest task of the first year or two of polyamory is learning how to become more emotionally secure and essentially becoming a better emotional parent to yourself (work which happily can translate to all negative emotions and not simply jealousy).  » Read more

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