Talking it over with many of my friends, it seems that we all have one thing in common: We all get a lot of messages from people we don’t know. And especially messages that are fairly low content. Ones that are basically a greeting (and maybe a compliment) and nothing more:
“How are you doing this morning, » Read more
Joke: “How do you punish a masochist?”
My answer: “Ignore them.”
Attention Is a Powerful Motivator
It’s something that experts advise new parents: Punishment can backfire if done too much or done the wrong way. Scolding or hitting tends to be particularly ineffective. Even if addressing a child’s behavior directly these ways is intended as punishment, » Read more
PQ 22.1 — How do I approach the end of my relationships? What do I want from my former partners?
When Being Dumped, I Like Clear-cut Notification I Can Receive in Private that Doesn’t Require a Response
I’m starting to think I’m unusual in this regard. Since I really want only one thing when someone is breaking up with me: I want to know it’s over. » Read more
Often when people talk about polyamory, they focus on a few, very specific problems. In particular, “How do you deal with the jealousy?” gets a lot of attention (please see this post for that answer). And it’s true that for many people, the hardest task of the first year or two of polyamory is learning how to become more emotionally secure and essentially becoming a better emotional parent to yourself (work which happily can translate to all negative emotions and not simply jealousy). » Read more
A few months ago, I fell in love with a new woman. I wrote about our first kiss in a piece called “Odds Are You’ll Break My Heart, But It’s Worth It.”
I’m usually fairly neurotic when I get into new relationships. Wondering if I’m doing the right thing by opening myself up to a new person. » Read more
PQ 16.6 – What boundaries do I set for myself in relation to each of my partners?
For anyone looking for a basic introduction to boundaries as well as a quick framework to managing them in a polyamorous relationship system, I would recommend this post: PQ 3.2 — Polyamory and Boundaries, » Read more
“When someone is crying, of course, the noble thing to do is to comfort them. But if someone is trying to hide their tears, it may also be noble to pretend you do not notice them.”
I look at my phone when we pull into port. » Read more
PQ 9.5 — Is someone threatening my well-being, safety or livelihood?
Threatening well-being, safety or livelihood? That sounds fairly extreme now, doesn’t it?
And yet — as in PQ 9.1, it’s important to note that sometimes these threats onset in rather insidious ways. That’s the tricky thing about abusive relationships. » Read more
“I’m not gonna text them,” I say, clutching my phone.
My phone says nothing back, but I persist in talking to it.
“It’s too soon. I just texted an hour ago,” I continue.
But I’m staring at something funny online, something they’ll love. Tied into a thousand private jokes. » Read more
I recently stumbled across a post over at Esther Perel’s blog called “Relationship accountability and the rise of ghosting.” Post author Lindsay addresses consequences of the trend towards ambiguous entanglement and indirect and prolonged breakups and argues for more direct breakups, which they dub “power parting.”
It’s a good article with valid points and includes this chart that helpfully organizes the concepts. » Read more