“What you do,” he said, “is just lie there with your thoughts. Don’t judge them. Just let them happen. Let yourself feel everything you’re feeling. Think everything you’re thinking. Without distraction.”
He didn’t call it mindfulness then. I wouldn’t learn that word until much later. From someone else.
Instead, my first fraught dance with my own mind wouldn’t have a name. » Read more
I’m sorry it hurts right now.
The wound is fresh. And while I wish there were some way that I could just make the pain go away, I can’t.
No one can.
It’s going to hurt you every time you think of it. Sometimes this will happen at weird moments. » Read more
If I told you that life had no purpose, how would you feel? Would you feel crushed? Or would you feel free?
For me, it all depends on the day. On whatever river of emotions I’m currently floating down.
Sometimes I’m gripped with sadness at this idea. With the realization that there’s no way to win at the game I’m playing. » Read more
The past few weeks have been absolutely hectic, and there’s no end in sight.
Essentially, I’ve been tasked with packing, cleaning, and prepping a house for sale with only about a month to work with.
And it’s a house I’ve lived in for nearly a decade.
I’m not used to staying in one place for very long. » Read more
A while ago, I wrote a piece called “Abused Kids Get to Look Like Their Bullies“:
On countless mornings, I glimpse my reflection in the mirror and want to punch myself in the face.
Because I look like her at certain angles.
Her chin, strong but not square. » Read more
Surviving abuse can be one of the most lonely experiences there is.
That’s because in most people’s eyes, you can’t claim your abuse without naming your abuser. The suffering is real, but unless you have a bona fide monster to pin it on, it gets argued away (see just world bias). » Read more
We all mess up from time to time. We’re human. And it can be especially hard getting called out when we make a mistake, doubly so when it’s by someone we care about. But if we do hurt someone we’re close to, it’s good for them to tell us so we can do better.
Except sometimes the criticism isn’t valid. » Read more
“I’m a fraud and others will find out”
There it is, right in the “FEARS” worksheet. Fuck you, Step 4. Moral Inventory bullshit. I wince, feel the rage rise up within me. I sigh.
Whenever I experience this level of anger, what’s being said is either very true or very untrue. » Read more
Even though I’ve recently set up this public blog presence of my charmed life and kinky times, I’ve been posting introspection and navel-gazing on predominantly kinky topics on Fetlife for some time. Fetlife (fetish + life, get it?), or Fet/FL as a lot of users call it, is social network for kinky people – essentially Facebook for kinksters, » Read more