In Order to Be Polyamorous, I Had to Get Over the Idea That It’d Make Me a Bad Bisexual

the landscape of a rocky alien planet. The sky is blue, but there are two moons in it.
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I Kept Having the Same Two Conversations, Over and Over Again

Growing up bisexual, I’d end up in an unpleasant conversation every time I told a new partner my sexual orientation. And it usually went one of the following ways:

Conversation #1: 

Them: Oh, you’re bi? Next thing I know, you’ll be telling me you need to have a boyfriend/girlfriend,  » Read more

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Polyamory Helped Me Find a Community of Other Bisexual People

It's the bisexual flag. Three horizontal stripes, going from top to bottom: Pink, purple, blue.
Image by Pixabay / CC 0

As I’ve written before, unlike a lot of other polyamorous educators, I wasn’t someone who always knew I was polyamorous. Indeed, I considered myself quite a monogamous person growing up. Even now, I think of myself as being more ambiamorous than anything else, able to happily practice either polyamory or monogamy,  » Read more

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Sleeping with the Enemy: On Women Dating Women While Still Viewing Them as Competition

a pink measuring tape on a wavy patterned white cloth background
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“Keep your top on,” she said.

“Sure,” I said, dropping my arms to my sides and then quickly wrapping them around her waist. And as we kissed, I moved my hands up her torso, feeling her body through her shirt. Her chest had its own topography. Subtle places where she came in. Went out.  » Read more

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Bisexuality, Islands of Desire, and Invisible Polyamory

an aerial view of a string of forested islands
Image by Lau Svensson / CC BY

Invisible Polyamory

Skyspook and I have been charting my polyamorous web chart for the second book (Update: it’s out!). A map of my current relationship system, with all of my partners’ partners and so on. Taken as a whole, it looks hopelessly complicated.

But it never feels that way. These days it’s a pretty stable system.  » Read more

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To Make Mono/Poly Easier, View Monogamy and Polyamory as a Spectrum, Not a Binary

A venn diagram up above a cityscape. One of the circles says "yes," the other says "no." The overlap between the two is labeled "me."
Image by Terminals & Gates / CC BY

Mono/poly relationships (i.e., pairings in which one partner is monogamous and the other is polyamorous) are famously difficult.

While there are many factors, we do ourselves no favors by viewing monogamy and polyamory as polar opposites rather than as points on the same spectrum.

Consider this: It’s difficult to find a workable middle between two things if you’re convinced that one can’t possibly exist.  » Read more

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When Sex is Cancelled Because You Cry Out Philosophers’ Names in Bed

A surrealist image. A lightning storm rages on against a background of dark clouds. In the foreground are 3 dress forms, but their base is shaped by a tree-like structure, roots or dendrites (of neurons). On these 3 shapes are 3 suits and ties and a floating hat. Under the leftmost hat is a Rubik's cube in the process of being solved. Under the middle hat is a lightbulb. The rightmost hat covers a Rubik's cube that appears to be bursting into light.
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The Life and Times of a Failed Sapiosexual
sa·pi·o·sex·u·al

/ˌsāpēōˈsekSH(o͞o)əl/

adjective

  1. (of a person) finding intelligence sexually attractive or arousing.

noun

  1. a person who finds intelligence sexually attractive or arousing.

Origin
early 21st century: from Latin sapiens  » Read more
‘wise’ + sexual, on the model of heterosexual and homosexual.

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Sexual Fluidity: Sailing Polyamory Through Uncharted Waters

a large galleon (old-fashioned ship with 2 large masts) is docked at a harbor
Image by Rob Bixby / CC BY

“What prompted the ‘biphobic’ comment from a reader?” they ask me.

I laugh. “That was several months ago. It was in response to this post. I admit in the piece I was near the line, and I knew it would be controversial. I was encouraged by several other queer people to write it because they wanted to but feared the backlash.”  » Read more

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