What’s Forgiveness Orientation & How Does It Affect Relationships?

a rock with the English word "Forgiveness" next to the Chinese character for the same word
Image by James_Seattle / CC BY

There’s been a theme lately as I’m listening to people’s troubles and giving out advice.

You can tell a lot about a situation by what their particular forgiveness orientation is, how their forgiveness is balanced between self and others.

In the most simple terms, a forgiveness balance can be expressed with the following equation: Forgiveness of self divided by forgiveness of others.  » Read more

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It’s Frustrating, But You Can’t Rush Your Feelings — and Trying To Can Make Everything Worse

a yellow flower bud that hasn't opened yet
Image by Carl Mueller / CC BY

I’m currently prepping for a move from Ohio to Texas. There’s a lot to be done logistically since I have had to prepare my house here for sale — and as quickly as possible.

A lot of friends were really surprised by what I did first. They presumed the very first thing I’d do is pack up the house.  » Read more

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Ways to Bridge the Gap If Your Partner’s Top Love Language Is Words of Affirmation & Yours Isn’t

a 7 series of dialogue balloons. Their colors, left to right: kelly green, spring green, yellow, orange, purple, dark purple, blue
Image by Pixabay / CC 0

Hi Page!

I’m a long time reader of your blog and I have a mostly positive question! About feeeeelings. And communication styles.

I’ve currently got two lovely partners, one nesting and one not, and things are going great. Edging towards serious territory even. Nesting partner loves other partner and we’re all really good about the communication thing.  » Read more

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A Different Kind of Self-Confidence: Letting Enough Be Enough Rather than Needing to Feel Like You’re the Best

a red beach ball floating in the ocean
Image by Pixabay / CC 0

There’s always been a lot of pressure to express self-confidence a certain way, in grandiose inflated terms, something that goes a little like this:

“I know I’m terrific. Wonderful. The absolute best. No one and nothing’s gonna hold me back.”

But for me, it’s just not realistic. When I speak the words,  » Read more

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Hey, Stop Being So Mean to My Friend: A Self-Compassion Conversational Interrupt

It's someone's lecture notes from a lecture. At the top left it reads "Self compassion Kristen Neff, PhD." At the top right, it reads "2015-03-24a, notes by Sacha Chua." Going top to bottom, left to right, first heading reads compassion. Under it it reads recognition of suffering, feelings of kindness, desire to help, shared Next heading: Self-compassion, under heading it reads self-kindness, common humanity - everyone, mindfulness, (awareness of awareness, responding vs reacting) next heading exercises, under heading is letter from imaginary friend, 3-chair (self-critic, judged, wise, compassionate observer), self-hug, caress, identify interconnectedness, noting thoughts, mindfully working with pain, mindfulness meditation, self-compassion journal, soften, soothe, allow, develop your own self-compassion mantra, compassionate imagery, compassionate body scan, identifying the trickster (ego), next heading "why is this a challenge," under heading: the need to feel better than others, parents, culture, the desire for control, map vs. territory, self-esteem opt out, contigent?, self-compassion is more helpful, love not fear, hate can't conquer hate, self-judgement can't stop self-judgement, next heading better, under heading understand, have compassion - actively comfort, replace w/kinder response (embrace & replace), next header, attachment patterns can be reformed, love, therapy, unconditional support, next header this is a moment of suffering. Suffering is a part of life. May I be kind to myself in this moment. May I give myself the compassion I need. Next header. Identifying what I really want, procrastination and understand fear, self-compassion & our bodies, taking care of the caregiver, next heading phases, backdraft, infatuation, true acceptance, next header Marshall Rosenberg, What am I observing? What am I feeling? what am I needing right now? Do I have a request of myself or someone else? next header control, not thoughts but how we relate to them, observe doesn't equal believe, next header p. 53 Notice - stop & recognize, soften, reframe, next header rumination, don't judge yourself, next header give yourself, kindness & care, remind yourself pain is part of the shared human exp., mindful awareness, next header dark chocolate - happy + sad, next header, directing, loving-kindness to our suffering, identifying your relationship patterns, self-compassion break, next header releasing sexual shame, transforming negativity, take a pleasure walk, next header, the demoralizing whip, next header loveliness, I don't belong, because of focus uniqueness, us vs. them, next header perfectionism vs being human, learning, next header interconnectedness, next header suffering = pain x resistance, the more we resist, the more we suffer, next header compassionate, mind training, mindful awareness parenting, gratitude & savoring, next header finding the silver lining, keeping a gratitude journal, savor the moment
Image by Sacha Chua / CC BY

I’m standing in middle of the kitchen, clutching my head out of frustration. “Ugh,” I say. “I just wish I weren’t so freaking stupid sometimes.”

“Page,” Justin says.

I move my hand and look directly into his eyes. “What?”

“Stop being so mean to my friend.”

I crack a smile.  » Read more

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Paying the Speeding Ticket: Why Self-Compassion Matters in Relationships

a speeding ticket from the state of Tennessee, tacked up on a black background with a blue push pin
Image by Micah Drushal / CC BY

Self-compassion, the ability of a person to forgive themselves when they make mistakes, is more important than self-esteem when it comes to success in life and overall emotional well-being.

Self-compassion is not only important for our individual happiness. It’s also vital in relationships.

The reason for this: People who are low in self-compassion?   » Read more

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