A Different Kind of Self-Confidence: Letting Enough Be Enough Rather than Needing to Feel Like You’re the Best

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Image by Pixabay / CC 0

There’s always been a lot of pressure to express self-confidence a certain way, in grandiose inflated terms, something that goes a little like this:

“I know I’m terrific. Wonderful. The absolute best. No one and nothing’s gonna hold me back.”

But for me, it’s just not realistic. When I speak the words,  » Read more

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Hey, Stop Being So Mean to My Friend: A Self-Compassion Conversational Interrupt

It's someone's lecture notes from a lecture. At the top left it reads "Self compassion Kristen Neff, PhD." At the top right, it reads "2015-03-24a, notes by Sacha Chua." Going top to bottom, left to right, first heading reads compassion. Under it it reads recognition of suffering, feelings of kindness, desire to help, shared Next heading: Self-compassion, under heading it reads self-kindness, common humanity - everyone, mindfulness, (awareness of awareness, responding vs reacting) next heading exercises, under heading is letter from imaginary friend, 3-chair (self-critic, judged, wise, compassionate observer), self-hug, caress, identify interconnectedness, noting thoughts, mindfully working with pain, mindfulness meditation, self-compassion journal, soften, soothe, allow, develop your own self-compassion mantra, compassionate imagery, compassionate body scan, identifying the trickster (ego), next heading "why is this a challenge," under heading: the need to feel better than others, parents, culture, the desire for control, map vs. territory, self-esteem opt out, contigent?, self-compassion is more helpful, love not fear, hate can't conquer hate, self-judgement can't stop self-judgement, next heading better, under heading understand, have compassion - actively comfort, replace w/kinder response (embrace & replace), next header, attachment patterns can be reformed, love, therapy, unconditional support, next header this is a moment of suffering. Suffering is a part of life. May I be kind to myself in this moment. May I give myself the compassion I need. Next header. Identifying what I really want, procrastination and understand fear, self-compassion & our bodies, taking care of the caregiver, next heading phases, backdraft, infatuation, true acceptance, next header Marshall Rosenberg, What am I observing? What am I feeling? what am I needing right now? Do I have a request of myself or someone else? next header control, not thoughts but how we relate to them, observe doesn't equal believe, next header p. 53 Notice - stop & recognize, soften, reframe, next header rumination, don't judge yourself, next header give yourself, kindness & care, remind yourself pain is part of the shared human exp., mindful awareness, next header dark chocolate - happy + sad, next header, directing, loving-kindness to our suffering, identifying your relationship patterns, self-compassion break, next header releasing sexual shame, transforming negativity, take a pleasure walk, next header, the demoralizing whip, next header loveliness, I don't belong, because of focus uniqueness, us vs. them, next header perfectionism vs being human, learning, next header interconnectedness, next header suffering = pain x resistance, the more we resist, the more we suffer, next header compassionate, mind training, mindful awareness parenting, gratitude & savoring, next header finding the silver lining, keeping a gratitude journal, savor the moment
Image by Sacha Chua / CC BY

I’m standing in middle of the kitchen, clutching my head out of frustration. “Ugh,” I say. “I just wish I weren’t so freaking stupid sometimes.”

“Page,” Justin says.

I move my hand and look directly into his eyes. “What?”

“Stop being so mean to my friend.”

I crack a smile.  » Read more

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Paying the Speeding Ticket: Why Self-Compassion Matters in Relationships

a speeding ticket from the state of Tennessee, tacked up on a black background with a blue push pin
Image by Micah Drushal / CC BY

Self-compassion, the ability of a person to forgive themselves when they make mistakes, is more important than self-esteem when it comes to success in life and overall emotional well-being.

Self-compassion is not only important for our individual happiness. It’s also vital in relationships.

The reason for this: People who are low in self-compassion?   » Read more

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Memo to Future Dating Self: Screen for Self-Control

a set of 4 hand embroidered brains
Image by Hey Paul Studios / CC BY

Empathy and Self-Control Are Linked

The Atlantic recently did an exciting piece on a new study by Alexander Soutschek of the University of Zurich. The results demonstrate that empathy and self-control both originate from the same area of the brain, suggesting a link between them. As Ed Yong of The Atlantic writes:

Press your right index finger to the top of your right ear,  » Read more

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