“Of Course, Most People Feel Like I Do” — False Consensus Bias & You

person with head in their hands. Over their normal face is a pasted-on cartoon angry face
Image by Pixabay / CC 0

Not everyone thinks the way you think, knows the things you know, believes the things you believe, nor acts the way you would act.

Remember this and you will go a long way in getting along with people.

-Arthur Forman


False consensus bias is a cognitive bias that causes people to see our own behavior and opinions as more common than it actually is.  » Read more

Continue Reading

People Are Having Less Sex During the Pandemic Because of COVID-19-Related Relationship Conflicts

a sign that says "not today #covid 19"
Image by Pexels / CC 0

When the COVID-19 pandemic first hit the United States, a lot of people were joking about an uptick in babies 9 months later. The idea was that with lockdown in place, we’d have very little to do. Few ways to entertain ourselves. And so people would resort to baby-making with full force.

As I write this,  » Read more

Continue Reading

It’s Common to Fantasize about Consensual Non-Monogamy & Reality Generally Lives Up to Fantasy

abstract art using neon paint on a black background
Image by Pexels / CC 0

I recently stumbled onto a study that explores something I don’t actually have much experience with: The experience of fantasizing about consensual non-monogamy. As some long-time readers may know, I wasn’t all that interested in open relationships before I suddenly found myself in one. Polyamory came and found me, not the other way around.

So I don’t have a lot of experience with fantasizing about consensual non-monogamy without having tried it.  » Read more

Continue Reading

Rough Sex Has No Link With Abuse, Is Initiated About as Often by Women as By Men & Typically Isn’t Very Rough

a lit lightbulb
Image by Pixabay / CC 0

As I’ve written about many times before, I grew up in a fairly conservative large Catholic family in the Maine woods. We didn’t talk about sex openly. When it was addressed, it was always uncomfortably and framed as something bad that I as a woman would go through in order to have what I as a woman should really want —  » Read more

Continue Reading

Huh. Apparently Optimists Live Longer.

a picture of a smiling sun drawn on a blackboard
Image by Pixabay / CC 0

As I’ve written before, research has shown that the most resilient people aren’t always positive. “Always” is the key term here. A generally positive outlook is helpful in responding well to life’s challenges; the important point is that while resilient people are generally optimistic they also acknowledge reality.

There’s no amount of positive thinking that’ll let you just gloss over the bad parts and have you rebounding easily from them in a meaningful way.  » Read more

Continue Reading

What Kind of Man Sends Women Unsolicited Dick Pics and Why?

a green stamp that says "censored"
Image by Pixabay / CC 0

As a war-weary female veteran of the Internet (been cruising since the good old dial-up BBS days, thankyouverymuch), I’ve seen my share of dick pics. While I have consensually received photographs of a lover’s genitalia (a completely different context), the vast majority of the dick pics I’ve looked at in my time have been unsolicited and from strangers.  » Read more

Continue Reading

It’s Better to Just Keep Your Promises Than to Try to Really Wow People

two toy figurines of Joker from Batman. The one on the right is small and cute and childlike. The one on the right is a wiry adult looking version of the Joker.
Image by JD Hancock / CC BY

There’s an old school of thought in business called “underpromise, overdeliver.”

Essentially, this advice says that what you should do is set customer expectations low so that you can not only meet them but exceed them. That it’s important not only to satisfy your customers but to thrill them.

It might take extra effort than simply setting up reasonable expectations and meeting them (the double think and communication required to have one internal story for employees and another external one for customers),  » Read more

Continue Reading

How Commonly Do Women Fake Orgasms and Why?

a disguise with a fake nose and glasses
Image by Pixabay / CC 0

One of the things you learn very early on when you study psychological research is that what people say they do and what they actually do don’t always line up. In fact, they quite frequently differ. So as a researcher (who also happens to be a woman), it’s not surprising to me that it’s not all that uncommon for women to fake orgasms at least once in their life.  » Read more

Continue Reading

It’s Humbling to Realize We Do Not See Things As They Really Are, But We Don’t

a fuzzy light shining behind a curtain that's been pulled back
Image by Tiffa Day / CC BY

“The brain is designed with blind spots, optical and psychological, and one of its cleverest tricks is to confer on us the comforting illusion that we, personally, do not have any…’naive realism’ [is] the inescapable conviction that we perceive objects and events clearly, ‘as they really are. ‘ We assume that other reasonable people see things the same way we do.  » Read more

Continue Reading