I never loved another person the way I loved myself.
There’s something absolutely terrifying about radical independence. It’s not a message our culture encourages – stand up for yourself, be strong. So many traditions are in bed with lies that are bundled together and pre-packaged, everything with a price tag. » Read more
It’s a valid question. Once upon a time I was in a vanilla (i.e., non-kinky) monogamous heterosexual relationship. We met through mutual friends, dated for 4 years, and got married. After another 4 years of being together, we opened the relationship up to other people.
There was a party we threw back in January 2009 before the big move, » Read more
These days I’m polyamorous in spirit, monogamous in practice. It feels disingenuous to claim that I am one or the other completely. Even though my current relationship is monogamous, meaning that we are sexually exclusive, I have learned so much from experiencing polyamorous relationships that I will never be the same person I was before. » Read more
He sees me outlining the cartoonish bruises on my breast. I hear his laugh and became totally aware of what I’m doing. I must be getting that dreamy look on my face again. He leans in, his hot breath on my neck. “Awww… you’ll be lording over those all week. Every time you glimpse your cleavage. » Read more
Photo by em-volleyball-1-6 /CC BY
Compersion is so fantastic and ever-present for me (even when I’m sexually exclusive) that it gets to go first, and it gets an entire essay to itself. I’ve included a basic definition below for the uninitiated who stumble across this writing (quick, rough definition of compersion is “the opposite of jealousy”). » Read more
I’ve been wanting to write this essay for a while, stopped and started. Floundered.
Because while I feel strongly about the following issue, I find myself reluctant to admit openly that Skyspook and I have had disagreements. Which is ludicrous, really. But I’m a victim of social pressure. So many times have I heard people in relationships proudly proclaiming, » Read more
So much work has already been done, sorting out my own head, my feelings, thought patterns, behaviors. And so much lies ahead.
Today, a single thought crystallizes into word form, “He treats me better than a friend, and this is what shocks me.”
I’ve felt this, thought it wordlessly, nebulously, without form – » Read more
I’ll never forget that night. November 1999, my first semester of college.
I had gone to a party hosted by the music frat. I knew a lot of people there because I played in the jazz ensemble and orchestra, even though I wasn’t in any Greek groups. I was there with J, this beautiful genderqueer boy I had met through the atheist group on campus (having become quite enamored with secular ethics), » Read more
And in hindsight, that should have told me something. “She doesn’t have to know how serious we are yet. She just wouldn’t understand.”
I thought it was romantic that he would lie to her by omission. That we’d have little secrets that only the two of us would know. I thought they were harmless and bred intimacy. » Read more
I was at a backyard bonfire party many years ago when I saw a friend vigorously fellate a hot dog. I know. No big deal, right? You might be wondering why I remember something so mundane.
The trouble was that my friend was asexual to the point of being sex negative and despised giving head. » Read more