I’d Been Dreaming of Home an Awfully Long Time, But I’m Glad It Took a While to Find It

a closeup of a dandelion flower gone to seed
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Jealousy is in some measure just and reasonable, since it merely aims at keeping something that belongs to us or we think belongs to us, whereas envy is a frenzy that cannot bear anything that belongs to others.

-Francois de La Rochefoucauld


I was alone a lot when I was growing up.  » Read more

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It’s Tough to Pack Your Ego in Mothballs, But You Might Need to if Your Metamour Is Reluctantly Polyamorous

a brown moth
Image by Hsu Hong Lin / CC BY

A while back, some friends of mine, Margo and Emily, had their first foray into polyamory as a couple. They’d already been sexually open for a little while, having occasional threesomes with another friend (who had an anchor relationship of his own). But neither of them had another ongoing relationship, nor a connection where there were strong romantic emotions.  » Read more

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What’s the Worst Thing About Polyamory? Four Takes

it's an illustration of a book that's open on a desk with a scene popping up realistically from its pages. The scene features a dog standing next to a puddle. Birds are flying overhead. One bird is perched on a street lamp. The street lamp is next to a path that a person is walking down. They are wearing a dress and carrying a red umbrella. In the distance a hot air balloon flies. Next to this book scene, on the table, are a coffee mug and a pen, as though this is a writing desk.
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It’s probably no surprise, but I think polyamory and other forms of consensual non-monogamy can be downright awesome.

That said, every good thing has downsides. For this article, I had conversations with four different folks who are all happily polyamorous asking the following question: What’s the worst thing about polyamory?

Here’s how it went:

Take 1: There’s a Potential For More Let Downs

“Sometimes I feel like dating multiple people is an opportunity to let more people down at once,”  » Read more

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It’s Best to Clean Before the House Gets Dirty & Do Maintenance Before Things Break

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I love the house I live in. My husband bought it when he was single, about six months before we started dating, as an investment, planning to flip it down the road. But I’ve been terribly amused by how much I love it. Our neighborhood. How it’s decorated. If I’d been with him then, I would have been excited about buying this house.  » Read more

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10 Times Gandalf Gave Excellent Relationship Advice

a Lego figurine of Gandalf the grey wizard, wearing a grey shirt, pants, and cape. With a long grey beard and a grey hat.
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Ahhhh, Gandalf…

Tolkien’s chief wizard is emotional, wise, and powerful. Although aloof and at times a little arrogant, Gandalf possesses a deep insight and knowledge about the people around him. Magic isn’t the only thing he’s a wizard at. He’s superb at time management and work-life balance, having the emotional bandwidth to do things like tell gigantic flaming demons they cannot pass (seriously,  » Read more

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A Sigh Can Set Off a Conflict As Easily as the Words We Choose to Say

a bunch of darts stuck in a dart board
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I’m learning a lot about myself from him. From looking at who I am through his eyes.

He has that kind of hypervigilance you only get after years of dating women who set traps. Who modify their behavior ever so slightly as a test, to see if you notice.

Like those silent bargains I’d make with God as a kid: “If you really exist,  » Read more

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4 Clear Signs It’s Time to End Your Relationship

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Hi Page, how do you know it’s time to end a relationship? I know relationships take work, but sometimes I feel like I’m beating a dead horse. 


Great question! This was a tricky distinction for me to master. For the longest time, I was really reluctant to break up with people (even when it made sense to) because I’d internalized the following scripts surrounding breakups:

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