It Was Terrifying the First Time I Dated Someone Who Was Really Good to Me

an abstract 3D rendition of a white tower on a blue background. The white tower has a bunch of holes arbitrarily punched into it, as though it had been attacked by a hole puncher
Image by Pixabay / CC 0

I remember being scared a lot when we first started dating. Suspicious. Worried.

Not about you. Not about us. Or our fit. No, we always made sense to me.

I was worried because you kept doing nice things for me. Completely unprompted. You paid close attention to me, and you saw the areas of my life that were unwieldy and offered to help.  » Read more

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People Get More Anxious When Others Take Risks Than When They Do So Themselves

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Image by bfishadow / CC BY

Have you ever sat up all night and worried about someone?

I sure have. Especially if I knew they were doing something particularly risky or dangerous, like driving a long distance when the weather was bad.

In one instance, a loved one was several hours late arriving home, and I couldn’t get a hold of them by phone (not normal at all for them).  » Read more

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Maybe It’s Easier If You’ve Never Really Been Close to Other People

a wool blanket with a plaid pattern on it
Image by Joanna Bourne / CC BY

My first close friendships were blisteringly intense.

I had one childhood friend, Emma, whose parents were both zoologists. Emma’s family let me come along with them on their family vacations. I can remember vividly, even now, lying with Emma under the covers at night in an old farmhouse as the wind made noise in the rafters,  » Read more

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The Difference Between a Rough Spot & a Bad Fit Is Like the Difference Between a Cold Day & a Cold Season

a snowy field in winter
Image by Rebecca Wilson / CC BY

I moved to Dallas about five months ago. Prior to that, I’d always lived in cold places. I spent my childhood and my early adulthood in Central Maine, where snow fell six months out of the year, and while it did warm up a bit during the summer months, it never really got hot-hot.

And it certainly didn’t last.  » Read more

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You Can Date Your Friends, But Don’t Date All of Your Friends

the silhouettes of a few dozen people standing on a beach holding hands
Image by Pixabay / CC 0

Sometimes people ask me how I got into writing books about relationships, blogging for a large audience, giving advice.

People always seem to be hoping for some backstory in which I had some kind of grand vision. In which I shot forward with the unbridled determination of an activist and an ideologue for kink and non-monogamy.  » Read more

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When Public Displays of Affection on Social Media Are Hiding Unhappiness

cartoon person with long hair covering their eyes and sitting behind a laptop that has stickers that represent Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram on it
Image by Pixabay / CC 0

I’ve always been someone who posts positive things about partners on social media. Always.

I post positive things when things are going well. I post positive things when they’re not.

It’s a funny thing because when you’re a relationship writer, people expect you to let it all hang out. For you to have no boundaries about what you say.  » Read more

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