I like to joke that my superpower is being impervious to compliments. But there’s truth there.
I’ve learned over the years that the best thing to do when someone compliments you is to either say “thank you” or smile and say nothing at all. Even if you don’t agree with what they’ve said or think that you deserve the compliment. » Read more
“You write an awful lot about other people, how kind they are to you, and how much you appreciate them. I find myself thinking that I hope you are as kind to them back. I hope you make an effort, too. And I wish you’d write more about what kind of partner you are, because I don’t like wondering about it.” » Read more
I remember being scared a lot when we first started dating. Suspicious. Worried.
Not about you. Not about us. Or our fit. No, we always made sense to me.
I was worried because you kept doing nice things for me. Completely unprompted. You paid close attention to me, and you saw the areas of my life that were unwieldy and offered to help. » Read more
To minimize the geekiness in this essay, I’ll talk as quickly as I can (possibly risking inaccuracy via that brevity) about a basic statistical concept.
When you’re trying to conduct a scientific study, proper experimental design is a must — if you want to be able to have any hope of trusting the results. » Read more
Have you ever sat up all night and worried about someone?
I sure have. Especially if I knew they were doing something particularly risky or dangerous, like driving a long distance when the weather was bad.
In one instance, a loved one was several hours late arriving home, and I couldn’t get a hold of them by phone (not normal at all for them). » Read more
My first close friendships were blisteringly intense.
I had one childhood friend, Emma, whose parents were both zoologists. Emma’s family let me come along with them on their family vacations. I can remember vividly, even now, lying with Emma under the covers at night in an old farmhouse as the wind made noise in the rafters, » Read more
I moved to Dallas about five months ago. Prior to that, I’d always lived in cold places. I spent my childhood and my early adulthood in Central Maine, where snow fell six months out of the year, and while it did warm up a bit during the summer months, it never really got hot-hot.
And it certainly didn’t last. » Read more
“I’m not perfect by any means,” I told him. “But if I tell you I’m going to call you at a certain time, I’m going to do it. If we make plans to have dinner, you can expect me to show up. If something unforeseen happens, a traffic jam or a sudden illness, I’ll text you and let you know. » Read more
Sometimes people ask me how I got into writing books about relationships, blogging for a large audience, giving advice.
People always seem to be hoping for some backstory in which I had some kind of grand vision. In which I shot forward with the unbridled determination of an activist and an ideologue for kink and non-monogamy. » Read more
There’s been a trend that’s been all the rage lately in self-help circles. One that advocates for cleaning house. Severing all your toxic social connections and being able to move forward unfettered, unencumbered.
Living your best life.
Do they bring you joy? Keep them. Do they cause you grief? Chuck them. » Read more