You Can Date Your Friends, But Don’t Date All of Your Friends

the silhouettes of a few dozen people standing on a beach holding hands
Image by Pixabay / CC 0

Sometimes people ask me how I got into writing books about relationships, blogging for a large audience, giving advice.

People always seem to be hoping for some backstory in which I had some kind of grand vision. In which I shot forward with the unbridled determination of an activist and an ideologue for kink and non-monogamy.  » Read more

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When Public Displays of Affection on Social Media Are Hiding Unhappiness

cartoon person with long hair covering their eyes and sitting behind a laptop that has stickers that represent Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram on it
Image by Pixabay / CC 0

I’ve always been someone who posts positive things about partners on social media. Always.

I post positive things when things are going well. I post positive things when they’re not.

It’s a funny thing because when you’re a relationship writer, people expect you to let it all hang out. For you to have no boundaries about what you say.  » Read more

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It’s Possible to Force Yourself To Be Something You’re Not (Especially Short Term), But It’s Painful

an empty room
Image by Ian Burt / CC BY

As I write this post, my house is finally on the market. When the realtor stepped back into the house, he was bowled over by all the renovations that we made since the last time he visited.

I wasn’t sure what to expect going into that meeting with him. Didn’t know if he’d recommend more improvements.  » Read more

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When You’re Used to Bad Relationships, It’s Easy for Something to Feel “Too Good to Be True”

Two equestrian riders, on horseback, in low tide reflections at sunset on Morro Strand State Beach 29 Oct. 2008. Michael "Mike" L. Baird Canon SD950 point-and-shoot snapshot. This photo has some Lightroom 2 gradient treatment applied: gold bottom-to -center; blue top-to-center toning.
Image by Mike Baird / CC BY

In an earlier piece, I wrote about the homing pigeon effect, i.e., “good things are hard to screw up.”

Good relationships typically feel very easy in the beginning. A mix of the biochemical attachment cocktail of New Relationship Energy and actual compatibility washes over any small flaws that would otherwise jump right out.  » Read more

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