When “Problematic” Becomes Problematic: Identity Assumptions, Dissonance, and Confessions

a blackboard with a bunch of mathematical formulas and graphs written on it in chalk
Image by Pixabay / CC 0

Today’s piece is a guest blog post from Fluffy, an academic in-training, who is studying organizational behavior in hopes of making the world a better place.

Fluffy is a frequent contributor to Poly Land. Their regular blog is Eclectic Discourse (where pith goes to die; in-depth looks at awkward topics).

Here’s what they wrote for us today:

Finding Something Problematic Tells Me More About You

As someone who does the delicate dance between the worlds of social justice and diversity and inclusion,  » Read more

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“Dear Mother, Please Send Rubles”

a 5-ruble note (Russian currency)
Image by frankieleon / CC BY

Picture it. Quebec City 1999.

We’ve been to six bars in one night. And we’ve made the most of each. It’s the first time I’ve ever had a Long Island Iced Tea. I’ve lost count of how many Jane’s bought me, but they’re hitting me pretty hard.

I’ve been staring at Jane a little bit too long for weeks as she’s getting dressed and undressed at the dorm.  » Read more

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Ducks Don’t Roll Out of Bed Like That: Being Tough Isn’t Always Effortless

a mallard duck swimming in the water, preening its back feathers
Image by Paul VanDerWerf / CC BY

I’ve always envied people who are impervious to criticism, thick-skinned. Tough people. Insults seem to roll off them like water off a duck’s back, as the cliche goes.

The older I’ve gotten, the more I’ve realized that having thick skin isn’t always as effortless as it seems. Sure, some people are more naturally inclined that way.  » Read more

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Nowhere to Hide: How “It’s Complicated” Makes Everything Very Simple

a nicely seared pork chop with a side of greens, sitting on a white dinner plate
Image by Naotake Murayama / CC BY

I recently stumbled across a piece by Heina Dadabhoy called “Polyamory: What No One Warned Me About.” As Dadabhoy writes:

Polyamory makes it worse in that the usual rationalizations for getting dumped don’t work when you were poly with the person and they remain poly after the break-up.

“They left me so they could date someone prettier/smarter/easier/better than me”?  » Read more

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Go Ahead and Date Your Friends, But Break Up Well

Green background with this text in black letters "Computer dating's OK, if you're a computer. -Rita Mae Brown"
Image by Brett Jordan / CC BY

It’s a common rule that a lot of people have when they open up their relationships: No friends.

It’s likely one of those carryovers from traditional dating wisdom. Don’t date friends because most relationships break up, and if you break up with someone, you’re likely to ruin the friendship.

But my dirty secret: I nearly always date friends.  » Read more

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