It’s been a month since my father died. That sentence, as I type it, feels like a lie. And not simply because a substantial part of me wishes it weren’t true, that my father were still alive, but also because of the “month” part.
Because even though I can look at the calendar, » Read more
Once upon a time, I thought the world revolved around me.
What a thing to say, right? Such arrogance.
A lot of times when people say that someone thinks the world revolves around them, they mean that the person expects special favors or extra good treatment from the universe.
I’ve never really experienced that kind of feeling when it came to the world revolving around me. » Read more
Many long-time readers of the blog know that I identify as a recovering people pleaser. It’s been a long road to recovery, bolstered by an excellent support system and a round of assertiveness therapy several years back.
Growing up under the thumb of a difficult mercurial parent, I learned early on how to anticipate her needs and accommodate them, » Read more
“Worrying is praying for stuff you don’t want.”
Bargains with God
When I was little, I used to make little bargains with God. Especially on long car rides. I’d ask God to introduce himself in a way that I could understand but nothing so dramatic as to blow his cover or make it so that others wouldn’t have to have faith in order to keep believing in him. » Read more
“I read today’s article, the one about recovery,” she says. “And I think you’re right about spite being a powerful motivator.”
I nod. “Especially when you’re down in it. People tell you that you need to love yourself to be healthy. But when you’re emotionally unwell, it isn’t like self-love is all that accessible. » Read more
It turns out procrastination is not typically a function of laziness, apathy or work ethic as it is often regarded to be. It’s a neurotic self-defense behavior that develops to protect a person’s sense of self-worth.
You see, procrastinators tend to be people who have, for whatever reason, developed to perceive an unusually strong association between their performance and their value as a person. » Read more
“You should hear what he says about you when you’re not around,” she says.
“Oh?” I say. She has my attention.
“He says your writing is too personal, that you open up and share too much,” she says.
I’m stunned by this news. To my face he’s never been anything other than complimentary. » Read more
PTSD Is Like Grieving Your Own Death, Comforting Your Own Ghost
“You should really write fiction again,” Justin says.
I shudder. “Ugh. Why?”
He looks at me curiously. “Because you’ve got a hell of a brain. And your non-fiction is so good. It draws people in. Imagine what you could do with fiction.” » Read more
At first, I think it’s a garment. A silk nightgown at the foot of the stairs. Well that’s an accident waiting to happen. Better pick that up, I think, imagining the banana peel gag in cartoons. Oopsa daisy, upsa daisy, splat.
But it’s not a nightie. » Read more
There’s a big problem with holidays. In a word: Expectations.
It can be hard enough to make sure a random Thursday in August turns out okay. You get a flat tire. Horrible work shift. You get sick. Someone breaks into your home.
So if a lot of us designate an exact day — » Read more