It’s Sunday morning. I’m wearing sweatpants, a T-shirt I don’t care about, and a head wrap that holds my hair out of my face. It’s not glamorous, but it’s functional. I’m dressed that way because I’ve been cleaning. Nothing major but the kind of light cleaning that doesn’t wait for a weekday to be done. » Read more
Shooting the Messenger: When You Tell People Bad News, They Like You Less
It can be tough when you have a difficult message to deliver. Especially unpleasant news.
I’ve definitely been in situations when I had to be the one to deliver bad news and then promptly had my head bitten off by the recipient — even in situations where I didn’t do anything and all of the action involved third parties! » Read more
Looking Over My Shoulder for the Long Shadow of Cruella de Vil
“You know what my ultimate polyamorous nightmare would be?” I say to him.
“What’s that?” he replies.
“That you’d be dating this woman who you are just crazy about. And who is nice to me when you’re around, but the moment you turn your back, she starts being actively terrible to me. » Read more
Yes, Lying Sucks, But There’s an Even Bigger Obstacle to Effective Communication
When I was a child, I was told over and over again by my mother that honesty was very important. That truth was moral and lies were immoral.
That was what she said.
And then she showed me something different: That telling the truth is important unless that truth is embarrassing or inconvenient to her. » Read more
Partialism Fetish, Self-Absorption, and Anxiety: Lost in Details
The knowledge of yourself will preserve you from vanity.
-Miguel de Cervantes
*
When I was in high school, I used to sit and draw pictures of my hands in various positions. I spent hours staring at them, the distance between digits. Especially in AP History. Our teacher was the high school football coach, » Read more
Swing and a Miss: Gaslighting, Projection & Introjection
Much has been made recently of gaslighting, and it’s a very important concept to keep track of, boundary policing being of paramount importance especially in those who have multiple relationships. Here’s a good essay on gaslighting: http://www.polyamorousmisanthrope.com/2011/11/02/on-gasslighting/
Briefly: Gaslighting is a form of manipulation in which the target is continually forced to question their own sanity. » Read more