PQ 14.4 — What will happen if someone breaks the agreement? Do we have a path for reestablishing trust?

a path through the woods
Image by Simon Matzinger / CC BY

PQ 14.4 — What will happen if someone breaks the agreement? Do we have a path for reestablishing trust?

Consequences and Accountability

“I guess I just don’t see the difference between setting a boundary and making an ultimatum,” the young man says. He’s come up to me after the class I’m teaching.

You’ve clearly had experiences that make you feel that way,  » Read more

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PQ 13.6 — In what ways am I empowered in my relationships? What things help me to feel empowered?

a statue of a carnival strong man in a yellow toga-like body suit and sandals hoisting a large block over his head
Image by H.L.I.T. / CC BY

PQ 13.6 — In what ways am I empowered in my relationships? What things help me to feel empowered?

The Power and Responsibility of a Blank Check

I absolutely love my current agreements. I have carte blanche with my anchor partner Justin (the artist formerly known as Skyspook). Carte blanche is French for “white card.”  » Read more

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PQ 12.3 — What do I believe will happen if I ask a partner to end another relationship, and he or she says no? Why will that thing happen?

a black fountain pen splattering red ink all over a white sheet of paper
Image by Simeon Berg / CC BY

PQ 12.3 — What do I believe will happen if I ask a partner to end another relationship, and he or she says no? Why will that thing happen?

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Veto power† is a funny thing.

Ostensibly, it’s adopted to give a sense of security to both partners. “If anything happens that scares us or threatens our underlying relationship,  » Read more

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PQ 11.8 — Will it be possible for the secondary nature of my relationship to evolve into primary, if my partner and I desire that? If not, how will I feel about my relationship remaining secondary long into the future — say, ten or fifteen years?

a healthy vegetable garden with plants spaced a bit apart
Image by Alan Levine / CC BY

PQ 11.8 — Will it be possible for the secondary nature of my relationship to evolve into primary, if my partner and I desire that? If not, how will I feel about my relationship remaining secondary long into the future — say, ten or fifteen years?

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Human beings are notoriously terrible at predicting the emotional future.  » Read more

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PQ 9.10 — Do I feel I have no expectation of privacy in my other relationships?

A chart labeled "A helpful Venn diagram." There is an orange circle on the left labeled "The Internet" and a green circle on the right labeled "privacy." They do not overlap whatsoever.
Image by Bernard Goldbach / CC BY

PQ 9.10 — Do I feel I have no expectation of privacy in my other relationships?

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I’ve written a bit about the importance of letting others have privacy in an earlier piece: Buttinski, #1 Metamour, or Compervert: Walking that Fine Line. As I wrote then:

While an overall atmosphere of transparency is a wonderful thing in polyamory (as it can promote understanding and build trust),  » Read more

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