My partner and I are happily married, and have been doing some relationship introspection. Have you ever come across or heard about a successful married relationship where one partner is polyamorous while the other is on the Ace spectrum?
A few quick clarifications for readers who might want/need them before I answer today’s question:
Ace/ace = shorthand for asexual
allosexual = not on the asexual spectrum and/or not asexual
Personal disclosure: I am allosexual, » Read more
PQ 18.7 — Do I fully understand my partner’s choice to be monogamous or polyamorous, and am I able to accept my partner for who she is?
Ah! Very interesting. I of course didn’t write this question — these are all questions taken from the seminal polyamory text More than Two, » Read more
PQ 18.6 — Are there limits on the concessions I will make, either in terms of what I will agree to or the time span of the agreement?
It’s not at all uncommon when someone is new to polyamory for them to want additional considerations in place, measures that, in effect, » Read more
War on Christmas Lady
I can hear her coming down the hall, talking to someone on her cell phone as she walks into the office suite.
“All this so-called gender stuff hurts kids. I read that some kindergartner decided their gender was ‘tractor’ and I’m supposed to respect that?”
She doesn’t know I can hear her, » Read more
PQ 11.6 — Do I know whether the rules that apply to my relationship are subject to change? If so, who may change them, and how? What input will I have into those changes?
Individual Rules Are Like Mini-Agreements
As I wrote recently, these days I’m a little leery of “rules,” while at the same time understanding how they were absolutely invaluable when I was a brand new poly person. » Read more
The Cacti of Tantalus
A few years ago, I took a trip out West and saw a cactus growing in the wild for the first time. The more I learned about cacti, the more I became impressed with how they’d adapted to withstand one of the harshest climates on Earth. It inspired me. » Read more
I’ve been doing a lot of reading over the last few months, including lots of your writings, and the more I read on the topic of poly, the more it has started making sense to me.
When I first joined FetLife and met my Dom, I thought I was 100% monogamous. » Read more
I really enjoyed your recent post on viewing monogamy and polyamory as a spectrum. It made me realize I don’t know a lot about mono/poly. What are some common reasons people are in mono/poly relationships? Can it work? Can it be fair? Or does the monogamous person just suffer all the time? » Read more
The task we must set for ourselves is not to feel secure, but to be able to tolerate insecurity.
“Never took you as someone who would be polyamorous,” she says.
“Oh,” I say. “Why’s that?”
“Well, normally I wouldn’t say this, » Read more
Polyamorous Controversy Over “Benefits”
As readers responded to our recent post 7 Common Myths About Being Polyamorous on social media, one debunked myth quickly emerged as the most controversial:
4. If you have flings, you’re not polyamorous.
Some other folks may feel differently about this, but for me polyamory is about radical openness to whatever happens to develop. » Read more