It’s late into the party, likely the final quarter of it judging by the sharp drop-off in energy and attendance. A lot of the guests have gone home. Most of the ones who are still here have gone inside. Out by the fire, it’s just me and my friend Z, the reverse canary, » Read more
I Have an Extreme, Possibly Irrational, Hatred of Online Dating
Confession: I have an extreme, possibly irrational, hatred of online dating.
I Didn’t Try Online Dating Until 2009 After I Had My First Polyamorous Relationships
I started my very first serious long-term monogamous relationship in the spring of 2001. Back then, online dating certainly existed, but not many people were using it. Online dating was a lot more niche — » Read more
Loving Multiple People Is Like Having More Channels on Your TV
Growing up, I had a television in my bedroom. I’m not sure exactly where it came from — whether it was from my parents or one of my older sisters– but it was a hand-me-down. Obsolete and tiny. Black and white. We didn’t have cable in my house growing up, so the best case scenario started out limited to four channels. » Read more
Love Is Blind, But the Neighbors Aren’t
El amor es ciego, pero los vecinos no.
(Love is blind, but the neighbors aren’t.)
-Spanish idiom
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Sometimes I wonder what our neighbors must think of us. What they make of the cast of characters that shuffle in and out of our lives. The way strange cars idle in our driveway. » Read more
Whatever You Do, Don’t Mix Up Your Partners
I wrote an essay a few weeks ago called I’m Sorry, I Had You Mixed Up with Someone Else. That piece is primarily about how difficult it is to recover from experiencing abuse and not let it affect your future relationships. Here’s an excerpt:
Ninety-five percent of me, ninety-five percent of the time knows that the past is the past and that I’m in a better place now. » Read more
Polyamory Doesn’t Actually Need to Be Easy to Be Something Worth Pursuing
There are some people who say that polyamory is objectively way easier than monogamy (or, the less far less commonly used term monamory, the desire or practice of having a single intimate relationship at a time, which is perhaps a more accurate opposite).
They insist that polyamory more closely mimics our natural state or that it’s simply easier to manage. » Read more
Polyamory Isn’t Selfish — And Here’s Why
“You know, Page,” she says. “Polyamory sounds so great in theory. It’s just…I can’t get past one thing: Even considering polyamory makes me feel so selfish.”
She brings up her own partner and says she imagines they might be uncomfortable with her having other lovers. She hasn’t asked them or anything, she says. » Read more
I’d Been Dreaming of Home an Awfully Long Time, But I’m Glad It Took a While to Find It
Jealousy is in some measure just and reasonable, since it merely aims at keeping something that belongs to us or we think belongs to us, whereas envy is a frenzy that cannot bear anything that belongs to others.
-Francois de La Rochefoucauld
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I was alone a lot when I was growing up. » Read more
PQ 25.7 — Who else is affected by my decision to be out or closeted? Do I understand the effect my decision will have on them?
PQ 25.7 — Who else is affected by my decision to be out or closeted? Do I understand the effect my decision will have on them?
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Before I dive into today’s question, I just wanted to make a quick note that **drum roll** THIS IS THE FINAL ESSAY IN THIS SERIES!!!! » Read more
It’s Tough to Pack Your Ego in Mothballs, But You Might Need to if Your Metamour Is Reluctantly Polyamorous
A while back, some friends of mine, Margo and Emily, had their first foray into polyamory as a couple. They’d already been sexually open for a little while, having occasional threesomes with another friend (who had an anchor relationship of his own). But neither of them had another ongoing relationship, nor a connection where there were strong romantic emotions. » Read more