Jealousy is in some measure just and reasonable, since it merely aims at keeping something that belongs to us or we think belongs to us, whereas envy is a frenzy that cannot bear anything that belongs to others.
-Francois de La Rochefoucauld
I was alone a lot when I was growing up. » Read more
PQ 25.7 — Who else is affected by my decision to be out or closeted? Do I understand the effect my decision will have on them?
Before I dive into today’s question, I just wanted to make a quick note that **drum roll** THIS IS THE FINAL ESSAY IN THIS SERIES!!!! » Read more
A while back, some friends of mine, Margo and Emily, had their first foray into polyamory as a couple. They’d already been sexually open for a little while, having occasional threesomes with another friend (who had an anchor relationship of his own). But neither of them had another ongoing relationship, nor a connection where there were strong romantic emotions. » Read more
As I’ve said many times in the past, I don’t do a lot of online dating. I tend to be unconventional in the way I meet partners these days. I chiefly meet folks incidentally through friends or through friends of friends. But I do participate in online dating every so often (albeit rarely, the last time was for a few weeks several years ago), » Read more
It always makes me smile, every time it happens. When I find out from my girlfriend that my metamour has been sitting in the car waiting for our date to end so that he can come inside without interrupting us in the middle of whatever it is we’re doing. He’s been gone all night himself usually, » Read more
I Kept Having the Same Two Conversations, Over and Over Again
Growing up bisexual, I’d end up in an unpleasant conversation every time I told a new partner my sexual orientation. And it usually went one of the following ways:
Them: Oh, you’re bi? Next thing I know, you’ll be telling me you need to have a boyfriend/girlfriend, » Read more
If it makes you uncomfortable, we can pretend it never happened.
That moment lives in a hazy part of my memory anyway. The place where things that don’t seem real when they’re happening live. Those moments when it feels like reality is shimmering.
We’re standing in my office with the door closed. » Read more
PQ 25.5 — What risks do I face — including personal, professional, or physical — in being public about my polyamorous relationships? Are these risks I can afford to take?
The decision whether to come out or not is a deeply personal one. In my own case, I’ve been out for many years, » Read more
PQ 25.4 — If I am thinking about staying closeted, how will I feel about concealing my important relationships from people who are close to me?
“You know,” I say to Seth. “I’ve been thinking I want to come out as polyamorous. On Facebook.”
Seth frowns. » Read more
I’ve been reading Poly Land for a while now (first the site and eventually the book). I originally stumbled onto you after you were featured in The Huffington Post in “12 Questions People in Polyamorous Relationships Are Sick of Hearing.” I’ll be honest. I was kind of mad when I saw the article after a friend shared it. » Read more