I Have an Extreme, Possibly Irrational, Hatred of Online Dating

a person pictured on a laptop reaches out of the laptop and shakes hands with the person on the other side
Image by Pixabay / CC 0

Confession: I have an extreme, possibly irrational, hatred of online dating.

I Didn’t Try Online Dating Until 2009 After I Had My First Polyamorous Relationships

I started my very first serious long-term monogamous relationship in the spring of 2001. Back then, online dating certainly existed, but not many people were using it. Online dating was a lot more niche —  » Read more

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Whatever You Do, Don’t Mix Up Your Partners

two drawings of anime heroes. The one on the left has blond hair and is sitting on a green dragon. The one on the left has brown hair and is standing atop a red toad.
Image by Taro Urata / CC BY

I wrote an essay a few weeks ago called  I’m Sorry, I Had You Mixed Up with Someone Else. That piece is primarily about how difficult it is to recover from experiencing abuse and not let it affect your future relationships. Here’s an excerpt:

Ninety-five percent of me, ninety-five percent of the time knows that the past is the past and that I’m in a better place now.  » Read more

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Polyamory Doesn’t Actually Need to Be Easy to Be Something Worth Pursuing

a photograph of a sunrise over the Alps
Image by AirHaake / CC BY

There are some people who say that polyamory is objectively way easier than monogamy (or, the less far less commonly used term monamory, the desire or practice of having a single intimate relationship at a time, which is perhaps a more accurate opposite).

They insist that polyamory more closely mimics our natural state or that it’s simply easier to manage.  » Read more

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I’d Been Dreaming of Home an Awfully Long Time, But I’m Glad It Took a While to Find It

a closeup of a dandelion flower gone to seed
Image by cattan2011 / CC BY

Jealousy is in some measure just and reasonable, since it merely aims at keeping something that belongs to us or we think belongs to us, whereas envy is a frenzy that cannot bear anything that belongs to others.

-Francois de La Rochefoucauld

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I was alone a lot when I was growing up.  » Read more

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It’s Tough to Pack Your Ego in Mothballs, But You Might Need to if Your Metamour Is Reluctantly Polyamorous

a brown moth
Image by Hsu Hong Lin / CC BY

A while back, some friends of mine, Margo and Emily, had their first foray into polyamory as a couple. They’d already been sexually open for a little while, having occasional threesomes with another friend (who had an anchor relationship of his own). But neither of them had another ongoing relationship, nor a connection where there were strong romantic emotions.  » Read more

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