PQ 3.5 — Am I imposing consequences that will make others feel unsafe saying no to me?
When I first started talking with Rob, I knew that he and his wife Michelle had been polyamorous for about 8 years. I myself had only been at it a year. Although it had been a truly exciting year. » Read more
PQ 3.4 — Am I seeking to have my needs met at the expense of the well-being of others?
This is another one of the chapter-end questions that seems to be leading the reader towards a few defined paths. It isn’t set up well for an essay, at least not an interesting one. » Read more
PQ 3.3 — Does my decision impose obligations or expectations on others without their input or consent?
That distinction between setting a personal boundary and controlling behavior? It’s a paradox. In some ways, it’s so simple. Asserting boundaries is about establishing what you are or are not okay with. » Read more
PQ 3.2 — Have I sought input from everyone affected? Have I obtained their consent where my decision overlaps their personal boundaries? (Chapter 3 questions are all asked in the context of ones to ask to evaluate whether your choices are ethical.)
This is truly one of the trickiest parts of polyamory — » Read more
PQ 3.1 — Have I disclosed all relevant information to everyone affected by my decision? (Chapter 3 questions are all asked in the context of ones to ask to evaluate whether your choices are ethical.)
“You can’t just add on another relationship without consulting anybody. That’s not how poly fucking works!” » Read more
Yes, I can accommodate change, even the not-so-fun type. And it’s a good thing, too.
Because I don’t get a say.
None of us do.
Change is going to happen, no matter what we do. It’s not a question of if, it’s a question of when.
The sensible thing to do then, » Read more
“To improve is to change; to be perfect is to change often.”
“I’m worried I’ll never be able to look at them in the same way.”
I hear this often from people who are polycurious but nervous about taking the leap and opening up. » Read more
Photo by Horia Varlan / CC BY
Because “flexible” doesn’t even begin to cover it. Because I don’t know that I’m even “looking for” anything. There’s no grand objective, no artifact I’m seeking, no burning need I ache to fill. The grail is not my quest. » Read more
Photo by wooleywonderworks/CC BY
I am open to whatever configuration makes the most sense logistically and given the personalities of all involved.
It seems like folly to decide what structure I’m going to build without first having the component parts in hand.
Besides, every time I have tried to come up with some kind of tentative plan, » Read more
What are my needs in relationships? Are they attached to specific people? That is, do I need these things generally, or do I need them just from certain people?
Casual relationships are simple. For casual relationships, I need things to be entertaining and fun, and as long there’s physical chemistry, » Read more