Growing Up Trying to Be as Little Hassle as Possible

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I was a really happy-go-lucky kid. Naturally. But as I grew older, I learned to lean more into this feeling. I took on a willingness to compromise. Didn’t need to get much of what I wanted.

This was because I had a few very particular people who also lived in my household. And they were always holding everything up.  » Read more

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I’ve Always Been a Sucker for a Comeback & It Almost Destroyed Me

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There’s a meme that’s been flying around for some time that talks about how kids who were mistreated will learn to love unwanted things. I personally have loved Godzilla and other kaiju for a very long time. And a lot of other people I know who had rough childhoods will frequently root for the villain.  » Read more

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If You’re Asking Yourself If You’re Being a Doormat, Then the Answer Is Yes

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The other day I got a question from a reader in response to my essay on the importance of being around gracious people. This is true all of the time, really, but particularly when you’re in a polyamorous relationship system.

They asked me a question that might seem obvious but hit me rather funny.  » Read more

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The Unappreciated, Accidental Romantic Upside of Being Solely a “Freezer” and a “Fawner”

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I recently wrote an essay called “It Was Terrifying the First Time I Dated Someone Who Was Really Good to Me.” Here’s an excerpt:

I was used to being self-reliant. I had been conditioned my entire life to never ask for help because it meant being sharply criticized by others or told that I was weak for asking.  » Read more

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Confessions of a Recovering People Pleaser: I Still Do More Than My Fair Share, Just on a Smaller Scale

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I’ve been having a fun time writing these essays about being a recovering people pleaser. Here are the first two I wrote.

11/25/2019 – Discovering Places Between Pushover and Pusher

11/29/2019 – I Didn’t Want to Change 

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In these articles, I’ve been talking about odd quirks that come with my history of people pleasing.  » Read more

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Confessions of a Recovering People Pleaser: I Didn’t Want to Change

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As I’ve written many times, I’m a recovering people pleaser.

On confident days, I find myself venturing the idea that I am a recovered people pleaser. But then I decide that’s how they get you. You get complacent and assume you are forever changed, and then you’re slipping back into the old ways.  » Read more

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Confessions of a Recovering People Pleaser: Discovering Places Between Pushover and Pusher

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I write quite frequently about being a recovering people pleaser, including one piece I wrote for a client about the 10 biggest lessons I learned while recovering from people pleasing.

And yet… sometimes I feel like I’ve only scratched the surface in addressing how profoundly different my thinking was before I began to critically examine it.  » Read more

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Fight, Flight, Freeze… Fawn?: Responding to Danger by Becoming a People Pleaser

a sign that's broken that says "yes"
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Many long-time readers of the blog know that I identify as a recovering people pleaser. It’s been a long road to recovery, bolstered by an excellent support system and a round of assertiveness therapy several years back.

Growing up under the thumb of a difficult mercurial parent, I learned early on how to anticipate her needs and accommodate them,  » Read more

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