I’m Married to Him, But I’m Not His Primary

a person dressed in black walking down a brick sidewalk towards a brick building. The ground looks wet. It appears to have just rained. Their umbrella has primary colors on it (red, blue, and yellow).
Image by bazzadarambler / CC BY

Fellow poly Clevelander Ferrett Steinmetz recently published a post called “I’m Married to Her, but I’m Not Her Primary.” What renders him secondary, Ferrett writes in this post, is his wife’s commitment to her children from a previous marriage and how she (understandably) prioritizes that role over their relationship.

It’s a nice piece,  » Read more

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5 Imbalances Newly Polyamorous Couples Face and What to Do About Them

a 19th century sri lankan balance scale
Image by Ashley van Haeften / CC BY

When I opened up a relationship that had been monogamous for 8 years, I was prepared to feel jealous. But what I wasn’t prepared for? The radical shift in my thinking about that relationship and the imbalances that came to light with our increased autonomy.

Prior to discovering polyamory, when I had a more traditional marriage,  » Read more

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Stop Worrying If Things Are Even, or You’ll End Up With a Sad Shrub

a closeup of a dead shrub
Image by oliver.dodd / CC BY

It’s a dangerous road to travel down, comparing yourself to others. It might just be the biggest no-no in polyamory.

Many of us know we shouldn’t be playing the “better this way, better that way” game with our metamours. Wondering how we stack up against the “competition” (and indeed competition and zero sum thinking can be really bad for us).  » Read more

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