Locus of Control: Who’s Driving Your Life?

a gummy worm place atop a steering wheel, giving the illusion that it is driving
Image by Debs (ò‿ó)♪ / CC BY

When I first started dating, I was pretty clueless about what kind of person I should be seeking out. I was frankly pretty slapdash with regard to partner selection.

In the early days, I pretty much would date anyone who would have me. I looked at dating as a challenge where I needed to trick the other person into thinking I was their ideal partner until it was too late for them to change their mind about me —  » Read more

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I’m Waaaaay Pickier About Partner Selection Now That I’m Polyamorous

an orange life raft in pretty bad shape
Image by Rachel Lyra Hospodar / CC BY

As I’ve said many times in the past, I don’t do a lot of online dating. I tend to be unconventional in the way I meet partners these days. I chiefly meet folks incidentally through friends or through friends of friends. But I do participate in online dating every so often (albeit rarely, the last time was for a few weeks several years ago),  » Read more

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The Hardest Part of Opening an Existing Relationship: You Can’t Reroll Your Partner’s Stats (or Your Own)

a tower of various blue dice (D4, D10, D12, D6, D20, etc) balanced so as to form a tower. They are on a character sheet for on a wooden table. The background is blurry but appears to have other dice.
Image by Scott Akerman / CC BY

The most difficult part of opening up a relationship is that you’re changing its terms. However, it isn’t just the adjustment stress that can accompany all change (although that can be tough). It’s also that most of the time you didn’t go into the relationship expecting it to be open. And suddenly things that never mattered,  » Read more

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PQ 12.5 — Do I trust my partner to make good decisions about whom she starts relationships with? Why or why not? What might the consequences be if she makes a poor decision, and how might I deal with those consequences?

a closeup of a cookbook page. The recipe that's partially shown is Sauteed Brussel Sprouts with Bacon
Image by Didriks / CC BY

PQ 12.5 — Do I trust my partner to make good decisions about whom she starts relationships with? Why or why not? What might the consequences be if she makes a poor decision, and how might I deal with those consequences?

*

Ooooo boy, this question.

The answer these days regarding my anchor partner Skyspook,  » Read more

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The New Party Guest: Trusting Our Partner’s Partner Selection

a needlepoint sampler with the words "let's sway under the moonlight the serious moonlight" stitched from it (lyrics from David Bowie's song "Let's Dance")
Image by goincase / CC BY

One of the best ways to be successful in polyamory? Surround yourself with people whose judgement you trust.

As I mentioned in a previous post on setting boundaries with partners and metamours, it’s important to be able to trust your partners to make good decisions.

Because while systemic consultation definitely has its benefits (surely some poly person has stitched COMMUNICATE ~ COMMUNICATE ~ COMMUNICATE on a sampler or two by now),  » Read more

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