Fet Lag: The Time Between Objectification and Respect

a shot of an airport waiting area
Image by Michiel G / CC BY

I cross-post a fair number of Poly.Land articles to FetLife, which is basically Facebook for kinksters.

When you post a new writing on FetLife, it goes to a special category called Fresh & Pervy. There, other users can browse the newest content that people have posted (writing, pictures, videos).

These days I have a large readership on FetLife that is very active and engaged (you rock!),  » Read more

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The Crumple Zone: Partners Who Bear the Impact

The front end of a black car, driver's side. It has clearly been involved in an accident. The crumple zone (the nose of the car) is all banged up.
Image by Rick Marshall / CC BY

crumple zone: noun

a section of an automobile body designed to absorb the force of an impact in order to protect the passengers (Merriam-Webster)

a part of a motor vehicle, especially the extreme front end and rear, designed to crumple easily in a crash and absorb the main force of an impact (Google)

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I’ve written a few times about polyamory and emotional labor:

I’m yet to find a polyamorous relationship system that extends beyond a few folks that hasn’t occasionally run into these patterns of uneven one-sided emotional labor.  » Read more

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Yelling at Technology: Don’t Treat People-y Things Like Things

black background with white text that reads "Character is who you are when no one is watching."

Martin and Veaux’s Polyamorous Secondary Relationship Card has been making the rounds again lately.  A bunch of folks in my friends circle have been having good discussions about it. There’s a reason it resonates. People still struggle to clearly communicate their wants and needs in relationships and practice informed consent.

And yeah,  » Read more

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Prized Possession

Sexually speaking, I enjoy being a thing. But not just any old thing. I want to be the best thing that he owns. I want to be Skyspook’s favorite thing.

That’s a difficult concept for some to grasp, the idea that a person can be both objectified and special to the person objectifying them.  » Read more

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