Why I Like Old Relationship Energy More Than New Relationship Energy

a handful of red wooden hearts scattered across a white surface
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I can still remember what my ex-husband said when we’d been dating each for a few months.

“I’m sad that the chase is over.”

I laughed at the time when he said it. Which he wasn’t fond of, because he was being serious (and he often interpreted laughter as hostile).

He went on to explain that his favorite parts of his past relationships had been in the courtship phase.  » Read more

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I’ve Been With the Rebound Guy for Almost a Decade

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2011

“Be careful,” she told me.

“Oh?” I said. “What do you mean?”

“I know you’re crazy about this guy, but it’s all so new,” she said.

I smiled. “Yeah, I get that. I know all about New Relationship Energy. I know what that feels like.” New Relationship Energy (or NRE) is a term for the biochemical state that your body enters when you’re first falling in love,  » Read more

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When You’re Used to Bad Relationships, It’s Easy for Something to Feel “Too Good to Be True”

Two equestrian riders, on horseback, in low tide reflections at sunset on Morro Strand State Beach 29 Oct. 2008. Michael "Mike" L. Baird Canon SD950 point-and-shoot snapshot. This photo has some Lightroom 2 gradient treatment applied: gold bottom-to -center; blue top-to-center toning.
Image by Mike Baird / CC BY

In an earlier piece, I wrote about the homing pigeon effect, i.e., “good things are hard to screw up.”

Good relationships typically feel very easy in the beginning. A mix of the biochemical attachment cocktail of New Relationship Energy and actual compatibility washes over any small flaws that would otherwise jump right out.  » Read more

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Dear God Is Monogamy Easier When You Stop Shaming Yourself for Crushes

a bunch of stick figure seeming dolls, all happy, moving in a crowd
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“I have to thank you for me having sanity,” my monogamous friend Gull says.

“Ooooo,” I say. I lean forward in my chair. This sounds like it’s gonna be good.

“So okay, I’ve been talking to this dude for about six months,” she says. “And the friendship kind of got thrown into close friendship quickly due to stupid stuff from external drama.”  » Read more

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