PQ 25.7 — Who else is affected by my decision to be out or closeted? Do I understand the effect my decision will have on them?
Before I dive into today’s question, I just wanted to make a quick note that **drum roll** THIS IS THE FINAL ESSAY IN THIS SERIES!!!! » Read more
polysaturation (noun) – when a polyamorous person has as many significant others as they think they can handle at a given time
As I write this piece, I have three partners: There is of course my husband Justin Case. I’ve been with him for 6 years, and we were close friends for about a year prior to that. » Read more
PQ 14.2 — Does the agreement serve the purpose it is intended to serve?
“So we got around to the Big Talk,” she says.
“Oh? The opening up talk?” I say.
She nods. “Been putting it off for a while. I was so scared at how it would go.” » Read more
PQ 12.8 — Can I think of a way to make a new partner feel safe in a relationship with me under these conditions?
While the Chapter 12 questions have all been about veto, I really like this question in a broader sense, as a kind of self-check:
Is the way I’m treating my partner making them feel safe in the relationship? » Read more
PQ 12.6 — Do I use the word veto to describe something other than an ability to unilaterally end a partner’s relationship — for example, when I give input to my partners about how I feel about their other relationships? If so, why? Is there something about the word that reassures me in a way that negotiation and input do not? » Read more
PQ 12.4 — Do I trust my partner to consider my needs and well-being in his decisions about whether to stay in a relationship that is hurting me? Why or why not? If not, what can I do to improve that trust?
“Page,” he says. “I hate to ask this from you. » Read more
PQ 12.3 — What do I believe will happen if I ask a partner to end another relationship, and he or she says no? Why will that thing happen?
Veto power† is a funny thing.
Ostensibly, it’s adopted to give a sense of security to both partners. “If anything happens that scares us or threatens our underlying relationship, » Read more
PQ 12.2 – Who do I think should have the final say in whether a relationship ends? Why?
“I just want to say I’m sorry,” he says.
It stops me in my tracks. What? What’s he talking about? “Sorry about what?” I ask.
“I didn’t take your advice, » Read more
PQ 11.8 — Will it be possible for the secondary nature of my relationship to evolve into primary, if my partner and I desire that? If not, how will I feel about my relationship remaining secondary long into the future — say, ten or fifteen years?
Human beings are notoriously terrible at predicting the emotional future. » Read more
PQ 11.5 — Do I clearly understand both the letter and the intent of the rules that will apply to my relationship? Am I comfortable maintaining a relationship within those rules? Am I comfortable with the reasons for the rules?
In my time, I’ve known some folks with very brief relationship agreements. » Read more