Your Daily Polyamory Blog for Navigating Life, Relationships, and More
PQ 14.4 — What will happen if someone breaks the agreement? Do we have a path for reestablishing trust?
Consequences and Accountability
“I guess I just don’t see the difference between setting a boundary and making an ultimatum,” the young man says. He’s come up to me after the class I’m teaching.
You’ve clearly had experiences that make you feel that way, » Read more
PQ 13.6 — In what ways am I empowered in my relationships? What things help me to feel empowered?
The Power and Responsibility of a Blank Check
I absolutely love my current agreements. I have carte blanche with my anchor partner Justin (the artist formerly known as Skyspook). Carte blanche is French for “white card.” » Read more
PQ 12.10 — If I start a relationship with someone who is already partnered, what kind of input do I feel is reasonable for their other partners to have in our relationship?
*
This question sits at the intersection of two separate — but important — issues.
The first is that whenever possible it’s best to stay out of other people’s relationships, » Read more
PQ 12.9 — Do I understand the needs my partner is seeking to meet by requesting veto, and have I considered alternative ways of meeting those needs?
*
Where I grew up at least, the cars they use for driver’s ed have a second set of controls on the passenger’s side. » Read more
PQ 12.8 — Can I think of a way to make a new partner feel safe in a relationship with me under these conditions?
*
While the Chapter 12 questions have all been about veto, I really like this question in a broader sense, as a kind of self-check:
Is the way I’m treating my partner making them feel safe in the relationship? » Read more
PQ 11.2 — Are there specific assets, commitments or people (such as children) I am seeking to protect with a hierarchy? Can I imagine other avenues for achieving that protection?
*
There are no rules of architecture for a castle in the clouds.
-Gilbert K. Chesteron
Minoring in Anxiety
“I’m happy for her, » Read more
PQ 10.5 — What happens if the agreement doesn’t work for my partners, or my partners’ partners?
“If Your Calendar Shows That You’re Available, I Expect You to Be Here”
“I looked at your calendar. There wasn’t anything on it,” Michelle said.
“Ah,” I said, not sure where she was going. » Read more
PQ 10.2 — Does the agreement offer a path to success?
*
The trouble with a lot of couples who are newly opening up is that they’re threat sensitive.
It’s natural to want to protect what you have. But when we focus solely on failure states (like breaking up over changes that come with the introduction of a new partner, » Read more
PQ 10.1 — What needs am I trying to address with this agreement?
*
I’ve previously written about best practices for negotiating a polyamorous relationship agreement.
Today’s question is a good one to ask yourself when you’re enmeshed in that process: What needs am I trying to address? » Read more
PQ 9.13 — Am I afraid to express my boundaries? Do I feel they won’t be respected?
*
Am I Afraid to Express My Boundaries?
These issues are near and dear to my heart. I’m a recovering people pleaser.
As I’ve written about in past articles, » Read more
