PQ 14.4 — What will happen if someone breaks the agreement? Do we have a path for reestablishing trust?

a path through the woods
Image by Simon Matzinger / CC BY

PQ 14.4 — What will happen if someone breaks the agreement? Do we have a path for reestablishing trust?

Consequences and Accountability

“I guess I just don’t see the difference between setting a boundary and making an ultimatum,” the young man says. He’s come up to me after the class I’m teaching.

You’ve clearly had experiences that make you feel that way,  » Read more

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PQ 13.6 — In what ways am I empowered in my relationships? What things help me to feel empowered?

a statue of a carnival strong man in a yellow toga-like body suit and sandals hoisting a large block over his head
Image by H.L.I.T. / CC BY

PQ 13.6 — In what ways am I empowered in my relationships? What things help me to feel empowered?

The Power and Responsibility of a Blank Check

I absolutely love my current agreements. I have carte blanche with my anchor partner Justin (the artist formerly known as Skyspook). Carte blanche is French for “white card.”  » Read more

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PQ 12.10 — If I start a relationship with someone who is already partnered, what kind of input do I feel is reasonable for their other partners to have in our relationship?

3 segments of rusty chain links on top of a wooden floor
Image by Patrick McConahay / CC BY

PQ 12.10 — If I start a relationship with someone who is already partnered, what kind of input do I feel is reasonable for their other partners to have in our relationship?

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This question sits at the intersection of two separate — but important — issues.

The first is that whenever possible it’s best to stay out of other people’s relationships,  » Read more

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PQ 12.9 — Do I understand the needs my partner is seeking to meet by requesting veto, and have I considered alternative ways of meeting those needs?

a closeup of a dark-colored car. There's a yellow banner that draped across it that reads Student Driver in black letters
Image by burnbless / CC BY

PQ 12.9 — Do I understand the needs my partner is seeking to meet by requesting veto, and have I considered alternative ways of meeting those needs?

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Where I grew up at least, the cars they use for driver’s ed have a second set of controls on the passenger’s side.  » Read more

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PQ 12.8 — Can I think of a way to make a new partner feel safe in a relationship with me under these conditions?

a person with dark hair and a dark beard wearing a dark jacket, dark shirt, and jeans, standing next to a sign that says "Do not learn safety by accident." There appears to be snow on the ground and a fence in the background with other signs, like this is the entrance to an industrial area.
Image by Endlisnis / CC BY

PQ 12.8 — Can I think of a way to make a new partner feel safe in a relationship with me under these conditions?

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While the Chapter 12 questions have all been about veto, I really like this question in a broader sense, as a kind of self-check:

Is the way I’m treating my partner making them feel safe in the relationship?  » Read more

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PQ 11.2 — Are there specific assets, commitments or people (such as children) I am seeking to protect with a hierarchy? Can I imagine other avenues for achieving that protection?

a castle in the clouds, over an ocean, with a large moon behind it
Image by pumpkincat210 / CC BY

PQ 11.2 — Are there specific assets, commitments or people (such as children) I am seeking to protect with a hierarchy? Can I imagine other avenues for achieving that protection?

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There are no rules of architecture for a castle in the clouds.

-Gilbert K. Chesteron

Minoring in Anxiety

“I’m happy for her,  » Read more

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PQ 10.5 — What happens if the agreement doesn’t work for my partners, or my partners’ partners?

a large red x on a multicolored background (fractals, lots of yellow, green, and red in the pattern)
Image by Karyn Christner / CC BY

PQ 10.5 — What happens if the agreement doesn’t work for my partners, or my partners’ partners?

“If Your Calendar Shows That You’re Available, I Expect You to Be Here”

“I looked at your calendar. There wasn’t anything on it,” Michelle said.

“Ah,” I said, not sure where she was going.  » Read more

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