PQ 18.6 — Are there limits on the concessions I will make, either in terms of what I will agree to or the time span of the agreement?
It’s not at all uncommon when someone is new to polyamory for them to want additional considerations in place, measures that, in effect, » Read more
PQ 18.5 — Am I prepared to make concessions in my relationship to help the monogamous person work through his feelings?
Chapter 18 of More Than Two focuses on mono/poly relationship, ones that are between a monogamous person and a polyamorous one. As I mentioned in an earlier essay in this series, » Read more
PQ 18.1 — Why do I identify as monogamous? Is it because I only want one partner for myself, or because I want my partner to be only with me, or both?
While sometimes we tend to treat monogamy like a unitary concept, it’s important to note that there are typically two separate desires driving a person’s preference to be monogamous:
- Not wanting to share a partner with other lovers.
» Read more
War on Christmas Lady
I can hear her coming down the hall, talking to someone on her cell phone as she walks into the office suite.
“All this so-called gender stuff hurts kids. I read that some kindergartner decided their gender was ‘tractor’ and I’m supposed to respect that?”
She doesn’t know I can hear her, » Read more
The Cacti of Tantalus
A few years ago, I took a trip out West and saw a cactus growing in the wild for the first time. The more I learned about cacti, the more I became impressed with how they’d adapted to withstand one of the harshest climates on Earth. It inspired me. » Read more
I’ve been doing a lot of reading over the last few months, including lots of your writings, and the more I read on the topic of poly, the more it has started making sense to me.
When I first joined FetLife and met my Dom, I thought I was 100% monogamous. » Read more
I really enjoyed your recent post on viewing monogamy and polyamory as a spectrum. It made me realize I don’t know a lot about mono/poly. What are some common reasons people are in mono/poly relationships? Can it work? Can it be fair? Or does the monogamous person just suffer all the time? » Read more
Let’s say your partner is seeing someone new. And you really don’t like them. What do you do?
Check Yourself Before You Wreck Yourself
The first thing you need to do is ask yourself: “Why don’t I like this person?”
It could just be a personality conflict (which totally happens). » Read more
The task we must set for ourselves is not to feel secure, but to be able to tolerate insecurity.
“Never took you as someone who would be polyamorous,” she says.
“Oh,” I say. “Why’s that?”
“Well, normally I wouldn’t say this, » Read more
Polyamorous Controversy Over “Benefits”
As readers responded to our recent post 7 Common Myths About Being Polyamorous on social media, one debunked myth quickly emerged as the most controversial:
4. If you have flings, you’re not polyamorous.
Some other folks may feel differently about this, but for me polyamory is about radical openness to whatever happens to develop. » Read more