Emotional Labor Is a Choice
“What’s today’s post about?” he asks me.
“It’s about how polyamory can mean having to quickly shift gears emotionally,” I say. “Like when you have a good date with one partner and come home to another partner who is having a bad night and needs consoling. » Read more
PQ 9.9 — Am I being asked to give up relationships with friends or family?
It’s funny. Back when I became monogamous with Seth, I didn’t give a single thought to my autonomy. When we got together, I basically stepped out of my own life and into his. When he didn’t like one of my friends, » Read more
Today’s piece is a guest blog post from Matthew Shadrake.
Matt is a polyamorous switch and a big ole softie. He previously contributed “Firing a Gun Into a Dark Room: Strip Clubs, Sex Trafficking, and the Hidden Cost of Hedonism” to Poly.Land.
In addition to being a hell of a writer, » Read more
One of the more surreal aspects of blogging to a wide audience is reading other people’s takes on the personal experiences you’ve shared with them. You get used to it quickly, or you don’t last. I find that even more challenging perspectives can be helpful if I can resist the urge to get defensive. » Read more
I was a child of the 80’s. Obsessed with Cabbage Patch Kids. Punky Brewster.
This meant I came of age during the Jerry Springer years.
As I watched countless chairs hurled angrily across the stage, I absorbed a key message: There was nothing worse than your partner sleeping with someone else. » Read more
I really enjoyed your recent post on viewing monogamy and polyamory as a spectrum. It made me realize I don’t know a lot about mono/poly. What are some common reasons people are in mono/poly relationships? Can it work? Can it be fair? Or does the monogamous person just suffer all the time? » Read more
Mono/poly relationships (i.e., pairings in which one partner is monogamous and the other is polyamorous) are famously difficult.
While there are many factors, we do ourselves no favors by viewing monogamy and polyamory as polar opposites rather than as points on the same spectrum.
Consider this: It’s difficult to find a workable middle between two things if you’re convinced that one can’t possibly exist. » Read more
Fellow poly Clevelander Ferrett Steinmetz recently published a post called “I’m Married to Her, but I’m Not Her Primary.” What renders him secondary, Ferrett writes in this post, is his wife’s commitment to her children from a previous marriage and how she (understandably) prioritizes that role over their relationship.
It’s a nice piece, » Read more
Last week we published “9 Things Monogamists Can Learn From Polyamory.” In that piece, we stated that both monogamy and polyamory have benefits. And that the best relationships combine aspects of each to form “the best of both worlds.”
We meant that. While we talk more about non-monogamy on this website, » Read more
Most people who haven’t been polyamorous assume it’s difficult because you have learn to share your partner. And while this is true for many people, for me the hardest part was how much I shared myself.
Because one of the things I struggled with most when I began to practice polyamory was feeling like having multiple partners meant that I was shortchanging them. » Read more