PQ 18.4 — Am I prepared to give my monogamous partner time and space to process his feelings about my polyamory?

a statue with its arms stretched up over its head towards the sky
Image by Inti / CC BY

PQ 18.4 — Am I prepared to give my monogamous partner time and space to process his feelings about my polyamory?

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It’s been a long time since I tried to date anyone who identified as monogamous. Really not since I was first polyamorous. And the reason for that back then was that I didn’t know that many other polyamorous people.  » Read more

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PQ 18.1 — Two Different Components of Monogamy: Not Wanting Multiple Partners & Not Wanting to Share

a picture of someone's legs and feet as they lie on a wharf next to a harbor. The feet are wearing brown boots.
Image by Pixabay / CC 0

PQ 18.1 — Why do I identify as monogamous? Is it because I only want one partner for myself, or because I want my partner to be only with me, or both?

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While sometimes we tend to treat monogamy like a unitary concept, it’s important to note that there are typically two separate desires driving a person’s preference to be monogamous:

  1. Not wanting to share a partner with other lovers.
  2.   » Read more

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10 Things That Happened When I Exclusively Dated a Man Who Wanted Sex Way Less Often Than I Did

a black and white photo of a lonely woman sitting on the ground waiting. She is wearing what appears to be a white top and a flower print skirt. Her hand is pressed to the side of her face.
Image by budibudz / CC BY

Like most people, I grew up being told that when it comes to sex that men are the gas, women are the brakes.

However, when I entered my first long-term monogamous relationship, I discovered the hard way that not everyone follows this pattern. In fact, my boyfriend wanted sex way less often than I did.  » Read more

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I Wasn’t Always Polyamorous. Dating Was Like a Game of Musical Chairs.

a bunch of white chairs formed in a circle with the seats facing outward, like in a game of musical chairs
Image by rick / CC BY

I often feel very alien when I find myself amongst a a pack of other polyamorous educators. It’s very common to hear a familiar story from them: They’ve always been polyamorous. Monogamy never seemed quite right to them. They went through life framing relationships in a different way than other people. Conducting themselves polyamorously before they knew the word.  » Read more

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PQ 11.6 — Do I know whether the rules that apply to my relationship are subject to change? If so, who may change them, and how? What input will I have into those changes?

a sculpture that is the bust of the philosopher Heraclitus, the philosopher. He looks like a man with a full beard.
Image by Michael Coté / CC BY

PQ 11.6 — Do I know whether the rules that apply to my relationship are subject to change? If so, who may change them, and how? What input will I have into those changes?

Individual Rules Are Like Mini-Agreements

As I wrote recently, these days I’m a little leery of “rules,” while at the same time understanding how they were absolutely invaluable when I was a brand new poly person.  » Read more

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