“What you do,” he said, “is just lie there with your thoughts. Don’t judge them. Just let them happen. Let yourself feel everything you’re feeling. Think everything you’re thinking. Without distraction.”
He didn’t call it mindfulness then. I wouldn’t learn that word until much later. From someone else.
Instead, my first fraught dance with my own mind wouldn’t have a name. » Read more
It took me a while to climb aboard the mindfulness train. I viewed mindfulness with suspicion.
It seemed like a flimsy buzzword, something that I had seen pedaled by privileged elite who seemed like they were trying to work backwards and find a reason for their success (as opposed to an accident of birth, » Read more
I’m currently prepping for a move from Ohio to Texas. There’s a lot to be done logistically since I have had to prepare my house here for sale — and as quickly as possible.
A lot of friends were really surprised by what I did first. They presumed the very first thing I’d do is pack up the house. » Read more
The past few weeks have been absolutely hectic, and there’s no end in sight.
Essentially, I’ve been tasked with packing, cleaning, and prepping a house for sale with only about a month to work with.
And it’s a house I’ve lived in for nearly a decade.
I’m not used to staying in one place for very long. » Read more
I’m lying supine on a massage table in a dark room. There’s new age music playing, but not the kind that screams “hey, look at me, I’m new age music.” Instead, it’s the ponderous ambient kind. Music that has a way of combing your mind into straight rows when you’re least expecting it. Helping you work the kinks out. » Read more
My anxiety has often functioned like a shot clock, especially in social situations. Instead of feeling like I had plenty of time to answer someone who asked me a question, I would instead feel pressure to react immediately.
And every millisecond that elapsed before I was able to respond pained me greatly. » Read more
Talking it over with many of my friends, it seems that we all have one thing in common: We all get a lot of messages from people we don’t know. And especially messages that are fairly low content. Ones that are basically a greeting (and maybe a compliment) and nothing more:
“How are you doing this morning, » Read more
Ro and I are having dinner. Talking about on-again, off-again relationships. Ones where the general shape of them look like a heartbeat on an EKG. A quick spasm of highs and lows, highs and lows.
“That’s not how mine look at all,” Ro says. She explains that hers are more of a line that goes up gradually but pretty much consistently. » Read more
“When I lose 50 pounds, I’ll finally be able to…”
“I can’t wait until I get thinner because I’ll…”
I’ve said things like this so many times. I spent years waiting for that magical moment when I would finally be the right acceptable size. And then, only then, would I have permission to start living my ideal life. » Read more
Emotional Labor Is a Choice
“What’s today’s post about?” he asks me.
“It’s about how polyamory can mean having to quickly shift gears emotionally,” I say. “Like when you have a good date with one partner and come home to another partner who is having a bad night and needs consoling. » Read more