PQ 23.6 — Do I give my partner space to conduct his relationship with my other partner, without trying to take sides in conflicts or carry messages between them?

3 lit candles on a plate all melting together
Image by Peter Becker / CC BY

PQ 23.6 — Do I give my partner space to conduct his relationship with my other partner, without trying to take sides in conflicts or carry messages between them?

*

2011

“You were at Justin’s last night, weren’t you?” Michelle asks me.

I sigh. I wish I didn’t,  » Read more

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PQ 23.5 — How and when do I want to meet my metamours?

it is a neon sign depicting a steaming cup of coffee sitting on a saucer
Image by ArminFlickr / CC BY

PQ 23.5 — How and when do I want to meet my metamours?

*

As I’ve written before, these days I don’t have the requirement that I meet my metamours. I did when I was newer to polyamory and had different partners. (One of them was self-admittedly terrible at partner selection and would run new partners by me not so much for my permission but more for my first impressions and “read”  » Read more

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PQ 23.4 — How do I communicate my expectations of metamours?

a photograph of a fire
Image by Dheeraj Dwivedi / CC BY

PQ 23.4 — How do I communicate my expectations of metamours?

*

Last week, I wrote what could essentially serve as an open letter to any new metamour that I may have: A Letter to My Future Metamour.

Although ideally I like to meet metamours (since knowing them well enough that we feel comfortable communicating tends to make scheduling easier,  » Read more

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PQ 23.3 — Do my expectations allow space for metamours who might have different expectations?

an American football sitting on the grass
Image by Pixabay / CC 0

PQ 23.3 — Do my expectations allow space for metamours who might have different expectations?

*

“When it comes to polyamory, sometimes I think I’m the world’s biggest Monday morning quarterback,” she says.

I laugh involuntarily. “I’m not really into football,” I warn her.

“Well, you live in Cleveland,  » Read more

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PQ 23.2 — Do I have to know my metamours? Do I expect to have close relationships with them?

a painting of Cleopatra, Queen of the Nile
Image by Pixabay / CC 0

PQ 23.2 — Do I have to know my metamours? Do I expect to have close relationships with them?

*

2015

I’m coordinating with my metamour to plan some dates. Normally, this is fairly easy since we have not one shared partner, but two. She’s not only dating one of my partners but I’m also dating a different one of hers.  » Read more

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PQ 21.7 — Do I let problems in the relationships around me affect me? How do I assert boundaries around problems that aren’t mine?

3 red buckets hanging in a row on a red rack with metal hooks
Image by Tim Green / CC BY

PQ 21.7 — Do I let problems in the relationships around me affect me? How do I assert boundaries around problems that aren’t mine?

*

In a piece I wrote earlier in this series on managing boundaries in polyamorous relationship systems, I wrote that one of the trickiest parts of polyamory is determining whether or not what you’re doing affects someone else.  » Read more

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Scarier in Theory: Meeting Metamours Can Help Dispel the Worry That They’re Perfect

red high heeled shoes with a multicolored brocade floral pattern on them
Image by Pixabay / CC 0

If you’re anything like me, your imagination is really good at coming up with scary possibilities. When it comes to conjuring up irrational fear, my brain is great at wiping the floor with me.

So of course, this tendency predisposes me to feeling intimidated by new metamours. Basically, everyone’s a supermodel astrophysicist until I meet them.  » Read more

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In Polyamory, Comfort Is a Huge Time-Saver

a photograph of a hand holding onto a weed that has been pulled up by its roots
Image by Harry Rose / CC BY

One of the questions I’m most often asked by monogamous or polycurious people is “How do you have time for it all?”

Typically, my reflex is to dive into some time management principles. Talk about different frameworks that can help you to prioritize (for example, Eisenhower/Covey’s time management matrix). Perhaps I’ll discuss the 80/20 Pareto principle,  » Read more

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