A while back, some friends of mine, Margo and Emily, had their first foray into polyamory as a couple. They’d already been sexually open for a little while, having occasional threesomes with another friend (who had an anchor relationship of his own). But neither of them had another ongoing relationship, nor a connection where there were strong romantic emotions. » Read more
Polyamory Life Hack: Gracious Partners and Metamours
It always makes me smile, every time it happens. When I find out from my girlfriend that my metamour has been sitting in the car waiting for our date to end so that he can come inside without interrupting us in the middle of whatever it is we’re doing. He’s been gone all night himself usually, » Read more
PQ 23.6 — Do I give my partner space to conduct his relationship with my other partner, without trying to take sides in conflicts or carry messages between them?
PQ 23.6 — Do I give my partner space to conduct his relationship with my other partner, without trying to take sides in conflicts or carry messages between them?
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2011
“You were at Justin’s last night, weren’t you?” Michelle asks me.
I sigh. I wish I didn’t, » Read more
PQ 23.5 — How and when do I want to meet my metamours?
PQ 23.5 — How and when do I want to meet my metamours?
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As I’ve written before, these days I don’t have the requirement that I meet my metamours. I did when I was newer to polyamory and had different partners. (One of them was self-admittedly terrible at partner selection and would run new partners by me not so much for my permission but more for my first impressions and “read” » Read more
PQ 23.4 — How do I communicate my expectations of metamours?
PQ 23.4 — How do I communicate my expectations of metamours?
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Last week, I wrote what could essentially serve as an open letter to any new metamour that I may have: A Letter to My Future Metamour.
Although ideally I like to meet metamours (since knowing them well enough that we feel comfortable communicating tends to make scheduling easier, » Read more
PQ 23.3 — Do my expectations allow space for metamours who might have different expectations?
PQ 23.3 — Do my expectations allow space for metamours who might have different expectations?
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“When it comes to polyamory, sometimes I think I’m the world’s biggest Monday morning quarterback,” she says.
I laugh involuntarily. “I’m not really into football,” I warn her.
“Well, you live in Cleveland, » Read more
PQ 23.2 — Do I have to know my metamours? Do I expect to have close relationships with them?
PQ 23.2 — Do I have to know my metamours? Do I expect to have close relationships with them?
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2015
I’m coordinating with my metamour to plan some dates. Normally, this is fairly easy since we have not one shared partner, but two. She’s not only dating one of my partners but I’m also dating a different one of hers. » Read more
PQ 23.1 — A Letter to My Future Metamour
PQ 23.1 — What are my expectations of my metamours?
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Dear Metamour,
First of all, let me say that you have wonderful taste. You are dating one of the best people I’ve ever met. I’m thrilled about this new development and will do everything in my power to ensure that you two have the time and space to pursue that new relationship together. » Read more
Is It Okay to Babysit Your Metamour’s Kids?
Is it okay to babysit your metamour’s kids?
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It’s a Thursday night in 2009. My metamour has a date with my partner, but her husband gets called in to work.
“Well, that sucks,” my partner says. “I haven’t seen her for a while.”
And it’s true. » Read more
PQ 21.7 — Do I let problems in the relationships around me affect me? How do I assert boundaries around problems that aren’t mine?
PQ 21.7 — Do I let problems in the relationships around me affect me? How do I assert boundaries around problems that aren’t mine?
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In a piece I wrote earlier in this series on managing boundaries in polyamorous relationship systems, I wrote that one of the trickiest parts of polyamory is determining whether or not what you’re doing affects someone else. » Read more