It’s Tough to Pack Your Ego in Mothballs, But You Might Need to if Your Metamour Is Reluctantly Polyamorous

a brown moth
Image by Hsu Hong Lin / CC BY

A while back, some friends of mine, Margo and Emily, had their first foray into polyamory as a couple. They’d already been sexually open for a little while, having occasional threesomes with another friend (who had an anchor relationship of his own). But neither of them had another ongoing relationship, nor a connection where there were strong romantic emotions.  » Read more

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PQ 23.6 — Do I give my partner space to conduct his relationship with my other partner, without trying to take sides in conflicts or carry messages between them?

3 lit candles on a plate all melting together
Image by Peter Becker / CC BY

PQ 23.6 — Do I give my partner space to conduct his relationship with my other partner, without trying to take sides in conflicts or carry messages between them?

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2011

“You were at Justin’s last night, weren’t you?” Michelle asks me.

I sigh. I wish I didn’t,  » Read more

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PQ 23.5 — How and when do I want to meet my metamours?

it is a neon sign depicting a steaming cup of coffee sitting on a saucer
Image by ArminFlickr / CC BY

PQ 23.5 — How and when do I want to meet my metamours?

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As I’ve written before, these days I don’t have the requirement that I meet my metamours. I did when I was newer to polyamory and had different partners. (One of them was self-admittedly terrible at partner selection and would run new partners by me not so much for my permission but more for my first impressions and “read”  » Read more

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PQ 23.4 — How do I communicate my expectations of metamours?

a photograph of a fire
Image by Dheeraj Dwivedi / CC BY

PQ 23.4 — How do I communicate my expectations of metamours?

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Last week, I wrote what could essentially serve as an open letter to any new metamour that I may have: A Letter to My Future Metamour.

Although ideally I like to meet metamours (since knowing them well enough that we feel comfortable communicating tends to make scheduling easier,  » Read more

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PQ 23.3 — Do my expectations allow space for metamours who might have different expectations?

an American football sitting on the grass
Image by Pixabay / CC 0

PQ 23.3 — Do my expectations allow space for metamours who might have different expectations?

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“When it comes to polyamory, sometimes I think I’m the world’s biggest Monday morning quarterback,” she says.

I laugh involuntarily. “I’m not really into football,” I warn her.

“Well, you live in Cleveland,  » Read more

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PQ 23.2 — Do I have to know my metamours? Do I expect to have close relationships with them?

a painting of Cleopatra, Queen of the Nile
Image by Pixabay / CC 0

PQ 23.2 — Do I have to know my metamours? Do I expect to have close relationships with them?

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2015

I’m coordinating with my metamour to plan some dates. Normally, this is fairly easy since we have not one shared partner, but two. She’s not only dating one of my partners but I’m also dating a different one of hers.  » Read more

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PQ 21.7 — Do I let problems in the relationships around me affect me? How do I assert boundaries around problems that aren’t mine?

3 red buckets hanging in a row on a red rack with metal hooks
Image by Tim Green / CC BY

PQ 21.7 — Do I let problems in the relationships around me affect me? How do I assert boundaries around problems that aren’t mine?

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In a piece I wrote earlier in this series on managing boundaries in polyamorous relationship systems, I wrote that one of the trickiest parts of polyamory is determining whether or not what you’re doing affects someone else.  » Read more

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