What’s the Difference Between Masochism and Self-Harm?

a question mark
Image by Pixabay / CC 0

Hi Page,

I’ve been exploring my more kinky side and I would definitely say I’m a masochist. However, I’ve recently been wondering if I’ve been seeking this out as a new form of self-harm. I used to self-harm in the past and have stopped for a few years, but I can’t shake the feeling that I’ve just placed the responsibility on someone else.   » Read more

Continue Reading

Could Procrastination Sometimes Be a Form of Masochism?

a board of multicolored post-it notes that all say "do it!" in marker
Image by Vic / CC BY

It turns out procrastination is not typically a function of laziness, apathy or work ethic as it is often regarded to be. It’s a neurotic self-defense behavior that develops to protect a person’s sense of self-worth.

You see, procrastinators tend to be people who have, for whatever reason, developed to perceive an unusually strong association between their performance and their value as a person.  » Read more

Continue Reading

Rolling His Ideas About Me Around in His Head, Tumbling Them Like Stones

a small collection of six agates
Image by Paul VanDerWerf / CC BY

Like most failures to communicate, ours begins on a very small scale. On matters so tiny they’re forgotten almost as soon as the words are spoken. He’s so close when he hears me, but he always gets part of what I say wrong.

At first I notice that his replies don’t quite make sense when paired with what I’m saying.  » Read more

Continue Reading

Love in the Hate Place, Hate in the Love Place

black and white photo of a hand and 5 square blocks of tofu
Image by Robert Couse-Baker / CC BY

“Awww,” Skyspook said. “You loooove it.”

“Sure, I love it… in my hate place.”

*

Skyspook often describes his own process of learning how to communicate in relationships (nonromantic and romantic, poly, mono, or otherwise) as going vegan with his emotions.

What he means by this is that he’s as upfront and as authentic about his feelings as possible,  » Read more

Continue Reading

That’s How You Get Smooth Jazz

“I really wish people would be more open about their kinks,” he said. “I think kinks should be considered normal and not so taboo.”

Except, for me at least, that’s the whole point.

For one, my kinks involve lots of shame, so maybe I’m not the most impartial judge. Now I’m not about to advocate for society to go on a witch hunt after all would-be intrepid sexplorers as the fundamentalist fringes (and fringe-adjacent folks when they get wrapped up in their own insecurities and confusion) are so wont to do.  » Read more

Continue Reading

Bring on the Pain

No pain, no gain, right? Right.

Right enough anyway, though I suppose that would mean masochists are basically greedy. On second thought, that works. We’re sensation sponges.

I’m back on the diet wagon today. It’s been 2 months since the wedding ceremony, and between the relief that I no longer had to worry about squeezing into my gown and the weather getting colder,  » Read more

Continue Reading

Pain

“I heard that you spank so hard, you send girls flying across the room,” I said.

“You heard right,” Skyspook replied.

We’d been kissing for a while, intensely. I felt breathless, half mad. It seemed a good time to come up for air. I sprawled myself across his lap, wiggled my butt.  » Read more

Continue Reading

Stranger in a Strange Land

Sometimes I feel like I ran away to Ohio to join the sex circus.

There was a birthday dinner I went to this winter for a friend of mine. I met up with a bunch of people at this great sushi restaurant on the East Side. There was my friend, her boyfriend, and her husband (the 3 of them at the time mostly vanilla/a tad kink curious but poly),  » Read more

Continue Reading