I Know How to Comfort Myself. But I Wish I Didn’t Have to.

a photo that shows a person's hand holding a cup of coffee while their legs appear to be covered in a blanket as they sit on a couch
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I’ve never quite gotten the hang of comforting myself. It’s not for lack of trying. Not for lack of practice.

It’s strange, really, since I’ve been a comforting person to so many people. I’ve been the one dropping everything to help a lover work through an issue. The one you could literally wake up in the middle of the night and talk to about your nightmares.  » Read more

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Don’t Talk Yourself Out of Deep, Meaningful Connection By Calling It Unrealistic

a brown rope with a knot tied into a heart shape
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There’s a meme I made a while back that I post from time to time. The lead-in caption reads, “When you’re making up with someone and they take responsibility for their part in the argument and you also take responsibility for yours.”

Beneath this lead-in is a photograph of actress Tatyana Ali in her role of Ashley Banks on the Fresh Prince of Bel Air.  » Read more

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I Wish I Didn’t Feel Like Having Deep Conversations Right Before Bed

a bald person wearing black pants and no shirt leaning against a wall in the darkness with a band of rainbow light falling across one side of their face
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I’ve been thinking about it for a couple of days. When I first started to worry, I thought maybe it would be a passing thought. A lot of things are. Most things are no big deal, and with time a concern seems silly.

But this one worry has persisted. And I’ve spent most of the day preceding thinking about it.  » Read more

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When We Get Close to People, We Overestimate How Effectively We Communicate With Them

an artist's rendering of two people. One of them is talking out of 2 mouths. Their conversation partner has their eyes closed and a brick wall textured over their face.
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“We finish each other’s–”

“Sandwiches.”

Arrested Development (and later, Frozen)

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It’s kind of the best feeling… when you get close enough to a person that you feel like you know what they’re going to say next. When you can actually accurately finish their sentences.  » Read more

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PQ 8.8 — More Glue, Please! Sex, Intimacy, and Reinforcing a Relationship Through Collateral Attachment

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PQ 8.8 — Is sex the glue that holds our relationship together? If my partner has sex with someone else, do I think the relationship will come unglued?

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As I mentioned before, I’m hypersexual. And a large part of my personal development re: relationships has been learning to control my libido.  » Read more

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PQ 5.2 — What needs do I have from my partners, in terms of time, emotional availability, commitment, communication and intimacy?

2 small wooden toys - they look like simplified version of people. they are "standing" close together
Image by JD Hancock / CC BY

PQ 5.2 — What needs do I have from my partners, in terms of time, emotional availability, commitment, communication and intimacy?

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Sometimes I think life would be easier if I had a fixed idea of what a “partner” is.

But I don’t.

I look back on all the people that I’ve known and loved,  » Read more

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