I Wish I Didn’t Feel Like Having Deep Conversations Right Before Bed

a bald person wearing black pants and no shirt leaning against a wall in the darkness with a band of rainbow light falling across one side of their face
Image by Pexels / CC 0

I’ve been thinking about it for a couple of days. When I first started to worry, I thought maybe it would be a passing thought. A lot of things are. Most things are no big deal, and with time a concern seems silly.

But this one worry has persisted. And I’ve spent most of the day preceding thinking about it.  » Read more

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When We Get Close to People, We Overestimate How Effectively We Communicate With Them

an artist's rendering of two people. One of them is talking out of 2 mouths. Their conversation partner has their eyes closed and a brick wall textured over their face.
Image by Rick&Brenda Beerhorst / CC BY

“We finish each other’s–”


Arrested Development (and later, Frozen)


It’s kind of the best feeling… when you get close enough to a person that you feel like you know what they’re going to say next. When you can actually accurately finish their sentences.  » Read more

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PQ 8.8 — More Glue, Please! Sex, Intimacy, and Reinforcing a Relationship Through Collateral Attachment

a closeup of a few dozen bottles of glue that have orange nozzles and white bottles
Image by bradleypjohnson / CC BY

PQ 8.8 — Is sex the glue that holds our relationship together? If my partner has sex with someone else, do I think the relationship will come unglued?


As I mentioned before, I’m hypersexual. And a large part of my personal development re: relationships has been learning to control my libido.  » Read more

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PQ 5.2 — What needs do I have from my partners, in terms of time, emotional availability, commitment, communication and intimacy?

2 small wooden toys - they look like simplified version of people. they are "standing" close together
Image by JD Hancock / CC BY

PQ 5.2 — What needs do I have from my partners, in terms of time, emotional availability, commitment, communication and intimacy?


Sometimes I think life would be easier if I had a fixed idea of what a “partner” is.

But I don’t.

I look back on all the people that I’ve known and loved,  » Read more

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Buttinski, #1 Metamour, or Compervert? Walking that Fine Line

a closeup image of a hotel key slot with a card inserted. the card reads "privacy please"
Image by hyku / CC BY

Buttinski Sign

Buttinski Sign. It is my Achilles heel. The thing that I find hardest about polyamory.  And it’s never what I’m asked about when people first learn I’m polyamorous. Usually, the most frequently asked question is something like “But don’t you get jealous?” (The answer to that question incidentally is yes occasionally, but not all the time,  » Read more

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Truth Drip: Titrating How Much We Share and When

an iv in the hospital
Image by marissa anderson / CC BY

It’s difficult to know how much to share about what goes on (sexually and otherwise) with one of your partners with another. It’s like titrating the truth, just like you would medicine in a hospital — a truth drip.

On the surface, it seems so easy. But you gotta be careful! You can overdose by saying too much or by saying too little.  » Read more

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