When They Tell You to Be the Change You Want to See, They Leave Out All the Awkward Parts

a black board with chalk footprints. Over these are the words "the next step" in chalk
Image by Pixabay / CC 0

“Be the change you want to see in the world,” they tell you — and attribute the quote to Gandhi. Did Gandhi actually say that? The quick answer is no, other people did later, but he said some similar things. (Incidentally, Quote Investigator is such a great resource for researching those inspirational meme quote attributions.  » Read more

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PQ 12.10 — If I start a relationship with someone who is already partnered, what kind of input do I feel is reasonable for their other partners to have in our relationship?

3 segments of rusty chain links on top of a wooden floor
Image by Patrick McConahay / CC BY

PQ 12.10 — If I start a relationship with someone who is already partnered, what kind of input do I feel is reasonable for their other partners to have in our relationship?

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This question sits at the intersection of two separate — but important — issues.

The first is that whenever possible it’s best to stay out of other people’s relationships,  » Read more

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PQ 5.11 — What do I expect of others, and why?

shop sign that reads "Closed. Will return when you least expect it. Thank you! Please come again!"
Image by Ben Husmann / CC BY

PQ 5.11 — What do I expect of others, and why?

Here are a few pieces I’ve written about the tricky nature of expectations:

  1. You Get What You Expect, Kinda: Resilient People Aren’t Always Positive
  2. Happy Poly-Days, Because for Some? Holidays Are Basically the Worst
  3. It’s Not a Cure-All: 8 Things Polyamory Doesn’t Fix

I’ve learned to not expect a lot of people.  » Read more

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You Get What You Expect, Kinda: Resilient People Aren’t Always Positive

a piece of looseleaf paper that says in cursive "hegel. merde." with a pen lying next to it
Image by Margherita Puzzo / CC BY

I Try Smiling

“You get what you expect,” the instructor says.

It’s my first day of community college. We’re sitting in a small room with desks that are at least 30 years old. Mine has vaguely letter-like shapes carved into it. What it says is illegible. It’s a pity, really.  I want somewhere to put my eyes because my anxiety is in rare form.  » Read more

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