Is It More Ethical to Hide a Metamour’s Insecurity From Your Partner? Or More Ethical to Tell Them?

a statue of Janus, a bearded man with two faces, one facing forward and one looking back
Image by DaveBleasdale / CC BY

Fall 2010

One night, my boyfriend Rob called me on the phone after his wife Michelle left for the library. It was a low-key conversation. Just chitchat, really. We weren’t even having phone sex or anything. At least not yet, although in recent weeks, we’d fallen into a habit of sliding into phone sex after initial introductions.  » Read more

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Assertiveness as Honesty Exchange: Sender to Receiver and Back Again

the recycling symbol (3 areas all pointing towards one another, forming a triangle) with white arrows on a green background
Image by Nicolas Raymond / CC BY

When many folks think of assertiveness, they think of sender skills. An assertive person is one who communicates their thoughts and feelings confidently. Openly.

And while this is true, it’s not the entire picture. In practice, the most difficult part of assertive communication is the receiver half.

Because an assertive communicator is not only open to speaking their own truths —  » Read more

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Truth Drip: Titrating How Much We Share and When

an iv in the hospital
Image by marissa anderson / CC BY

It’s difficult to know how much to share about what goes on (sexually and otherwise) with one of your partners with another. It’s like titrating the truth, just like you would medicine in a hospital — a truth drip.

On the surface, it seems so easy. But you gotta be careful! You can overdose by saying too much or by saying too little.  » Read more

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PQ 1.5 – How important is transparency to me? If I have more than one lover, am I happy with them knowing about each other? If they have other lovers, am I happy knowing them?

a transparent organism where you can see its spine

Poly Question 1.5

How important is transparency to me? If I have more than one lover, am I happy with them knowing about each other? If they have other lovers, am I happy knowing them?

The importance of transparency for me is very context dependent.

Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell Sucks  

I could never have an ongoing romantic relationship with someone who would not meet Skyspook.  » Read more

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I Hate Taylor Swift

I hate Taylor Swift.

Okay, not really, but I pretend to – for my father-in-law. It gave us something to talk about, really, as she shimmied on stage in her blingy flapper-style dress, engineered for shaking. We commiserated in that moment, united against a common enemy, a beautiful — albeit overrated – pop star.  » Read more

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